The death, in New York, of a young, successful, recently engaged, outrageously beautiful actress was, her rep has announced, due to – well, there it is in my headline.

It’s an awkward formulation. Sudden and unexpected go with an accident, or with an incident like a heart attack (think of the shocking death of skater Sergei Grinkov); they do not go with illness.

This is the vague, confused, type of formulation that arises in the traumatized hours and days after a totally out of the blue death; typically, the family is overwhelmed with an impulse to protect the complexity and vulnerability of the person from the world’s cruel and prying eyes. They therefore describe an elusive and odd turn of events… Which of course achieves the opposite of their intent, since everyone loves a mystery, and now people are speculating like mad.

Here are the possibilities, if you ask ol’ UD. From most to least likely.

Suicide. The People article I cite quotes her alluding, recently, to “one of the hardest times in my life,” and, by featuring that statement, People is already sort of going there, already implicitly wondering if this woman was troubled and self-destructive.

Drug Overdose. Substance abuse is endemic to the world in which this woman moves. Her loved ones may not be ready to disclose this about her.

Chronic, controlled condition that suddenly goes out of control. Maybe she was, say, epileptic, but drugs had handled it for years. Until they didn’t; and she died of a grand mal seizure.

Actual mystery. People die for unknown reasons more often than you think. It’s not impossible that a coroner could conclude that no discernible organic reason for a death reveals itself.

***********************

Update: Looks as though I’m wrong on every score. Might have been an overwhelming viral infection.

… killing it!

It takes a heap o’ scrubbin’ to make Blake Masters’ website less mad. In the good old days, it was “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad,” and you could put your insane shit right down there on your campaign’s GET TO KNOW BLAKE page; but now that your whackjob thing about NEIN NEIN NEIN NIEMALS KEINE ABORTION and GEORGE SOROS STOLE THE ELECTION doesn’t seem to be working for you vote-wise, it’s time to press DELETE, BACKSPACE, ESC. and anything else that will allow your webmaster to pretend you’re a humane and rational person rather than the caterwauling shit-for-brains you actually are. Good luck with that.

In a sign of willingness to compromise, Democratic party officials have said, in response to Trump’s just-issued demand, that while they are not prepared to declare a new presidential election, they would be open to an immediate re-run of Mr Trump’s choice of any of the three beauty contests he owns, or has owned: Miss U.S.A., Miss Teen U.S.A., and Miss Universe.

Speaking at a campaign stop in Pittsburgh, Oz [praised Donald Trump’s healthy diet, consisting of] “the four food groups: the hamburger group, the ketchup group, the Coca-Cola group, and the classified-documents group.”

UD is intrigued by the upcoming special event, to be held on the evening of November 24 (Thanksgiving), in Roberts County, Texas (in 2017, Roberts voted 95.7% – more than any American county – for Trump). The RNC will reportedly bring together on the same stage, for one night only, its two most inspirational speakers, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Viktor Orban, to offer thanks for Donald Trump, and to instill enthusiasm in a declining-morale political movement.

The party’s leader will likely be indicted, and his theft of sensitive political documents has shocked many former supporters; its congressional prospects dim by the moment; and its full-throated endorsement of attacks on the rights of girls and women has fired up Democratic voters like never before. To counter all of this, the RNC will stage a kind of song and dance between these two veteran crowd-pleasers, in which (if I’m reading advance materials correctly) they will burst out of either stage wing and lock arms center stage while calling each other “Zsa Zsa” and “Dolphie.”

The orchestra will then accompany them in a hilarious version of “You Say Tomato I Say Tomahto,” after which, once the audience settles down, things will take a more serious turn, with reminders from Orban and Guilfoyle that race mixing, homosexuality, and abortion await a nation run by Democrats.

Hey Zsa Zsa want to date?

Let me give you a hand with

Your Replacement Rate!

As Orban sings this next number, Guilfoyle will look confused. Regarding her accusingly, he will pick up the song:

Three ex-husbands, tons of ex-beaus

And Kimberly’s had only one kid!

You’re keeping the white birth rate low!

Aryan Nation’s on a skid!

Kimberly giggles, and coos: “You’re saying you want to do something about it?”

*************************

Apparently there’s a lot more where that came from, but I’ve only been able to get hold of the two opening numbers.

Not to push the panic button, Emma, but yeah, you should transfer — before the zeeeeriously zany zygote zealots down there get their way and make it so people like you could GO. TO. JAIL.

Remember that NC hasn’t enacted every, er, conceivable restriction on/punishment for abortion yet, but it’s getting there fast.

You happen to come from a sane and humane state – good ol’ MD – and it’s got plenty of fine schools for you to attend without worrying about incarceration.

‘”The president was bellowing at a number of his Cabinet secretaries and especially the military guys, the DoD secretary and chairman of the Joint Chiefs, and calling all of us f-cking losers at the top of his lungs,” [recalled Bill Barr].’

… one of the world’s greatest short stories.) Look at more and more of the No Exceptions crowd start backing away real quick from their original position on abortion.

************************************

One of them sings a sad ballad.

************************************

Where is that girl with the zygote?
That little girl was my big electoral chance
The one whose father beat and raped her
But no abortion under any circumstance!

…….

Did I need a gentler hand?
Did I need a lighter touch?
On abortion I was tough
Nothing was too much
Kill the mother in a clutch!

But the moment when I said full ban
All my voters turned away
God please say it’s not too late
For me to totally reverse today

Was my stance a little cruel? Was my bloodlust less than cool?
Did I let my mind go wild? Were my thoughts defiled?

She’s just a little child…

Yes it seems there were a million things
I was dumb enough to say
Can my voting base forgive
If I walk them back complete today?

Should I blame my Trumpy operatives
Who told me incest didn’t count?

What a shame
I failed in human decency
Before I lost the game

Was I something of a dick?
Was my world a little sick?
Was there too much MAGA crowd
All too mean and loud
And not enough of me?

Though I’ll ask myself my whole life long
What went wrong along the way
Would I make the same mistakes
If I tried to be humane today?
If that girl with the zygote
Walked into my life today?

… has attracted growing interest in democratic countries, with the latest proposed crackdown on it coming from Denmark, where a commission has recommended a hijab ban in elementary schools.

… Jinnah Family Park! Set amid the ancient dusty streets of Bannu, Pakistan, this gorgeous concrete-walled, barbed-wire-topped, Islamist-controlled women-only park boasts lush weed and trash planting and constant surveillance by religious fanatics. As the only place in town where burqa’ed women and children can gather, Jinnah Park is enormously popular with this desperate, degraded population. But the city fathers, denouncing the park as a cesspool of shamelessness, have now closed it.

… featured multiple injuries because of overcrowding, plus a vicious attack on a random woman who happened to pass nearby. One can only admire the sect’s commitment to its two most venerable spiritual rites: Finding women to set upon, and destroying its own people through wanton neglect of their welfare.

A Florida judge who refused to let a person get an abortion because her GPA was below average (for men, GPA stands for Grade Point Average; for women, Gestational Parameter Acceptability) lost his election because of it.

His wife helped out in his campaign, telling supporters that his Jewish opponent “needs Jesus.”

… so Doug Mastriano is fine. He’s fine.

… buying.

(‘In a court document setting out the charges, prosecutors said Mr. Kurlander had texted Ms. Harris in September 2020 saying that Project Veritas was “in a sketchy business and here they are taking what’s literally a stolen diary and info” and attempting to turn it into a story that would ruin Ms. Biden’s life “and try and affect the election.”’)

******************

MY DIARY, ASHLEY BIDEN

15 Jan 2020

… And if it ever came out that Mom arranged the “crash” that killed Dad’s first wife! Jesus. “I did it because I loved your father so much, Ash. Have you ever truly been in love? Then you’d understand.” I said I’m sorry Mom I still love you but I don’t understand.

29 Jan 2020

Here I am trying to get over my addictions, trying to get grounded in reality, and Michelle Obama visits me at the treatment center, ushers me into a private room, and pulls out her penis????? Alex Jones was effing right and now Project Get Ashley Pulled Together Again goes right back to the drawing board. My head is spinning. “Hillary’s is even bigger,” M. cackled as she left.

14 Feb 2020

Apparently a recent dispute btw France and England involving fishing rights off Jersey was inches away from nuclear war when Trump intervened diplomatically at great personal risk. Dad says Trump made a secret trip to Jersey, where he gathered the warring parties and made a speech about how “this can’t be the sole solution; let’s not clam up” (plenty of laughter here apparently, which broke the ice and made everything else possible).

“If people knew about this,” Dad said with a sober expression, “history would acknowledge Trump as America’s greatest president.”