[Note: The following notes – crayoned throughout a sheaf of Post-Its discovered by our reporter on the corner of Pennsylvania Avenue and H Street after they were – apparently – discarded by a fleeing White House staff member – chronicle the ex-president’s last days in the Oval Office. Handwriting experts agree it is almost certainly the work of the ex-president himself.]
7 dys to go: They won’t let me have any sharp ojects so hence the crayon. I am tired of masturbating all day also tired of the porn Pence providing! Getting my stash from the world’s biggest born-again prude: great. Only good thing about it: Leaving sperm stains in the Resolute‘s drawers for Biden to find!!!!
6 days to goe: Lara Trump badgering me with interoffice envelopes (Pence allows me no electronic devices = pure vindictedness) full of love notes. She has already secretly divorced Eric and wants us to ‘marry’ in what she calls ‘the bunker’ and then I’d shoot her and then I’d shoot myself and then staffers would cover our bodies with gasoline and set us on fire so no one can abuse our corpses. Or something. Fuck knows where she gets this shit.
5 days to go: Pence turns down my demand to take a victory lap around the country basking in the love of my followers and remembering all the great things I did. He’s still pissed I tried to kill him.
4 days to go: Kim Gillfoil burst in early this AM wearing one of her AMAZING tight red dresses to give me a pep talk. THE-BEST-IS-YET-TO-COME!! yada yada but I could only look at her tits and think about my next jack-off.
3 daze to go: Lin Wood just broke through the Oval Office door with an AK-47! He shot a bunch of people I think. Scared fuck out of me but said he only wanted to ‘touch the hem of your garment’ one last time then S. Service guys rushed in and shot him to pieces. Getting funky!
2 days to go: Pence lets no one in, right? But somehow that fucking niece of mine waltzes right in this morning, tells me to put my pecker away (she’s a lez and DEF. doesn’t like men) and says she’s there on behalf of the family to say goodbye. I tell her to fuck off and she goes away.
1 day to go: Wondered when Melania might show up. It was all about legal stuff – making sure Barron “gets EXACTLY as much as your other children.” Jesus. Yes, woman, yes.
BLASTOFF: Pence insists on praying with me, insists on telling me he forgives me. Three burly guys in white just walked in – taking me “to a great place where great people are going to take care of you!”
Missouri’s Senator Josh Hawley, aka Wee Goebbels, has directly inspired a line of clothing that’s taking the country by storm. Everyone wants a SORRY ABOUT JOSH HAWLEY sweatshirt, t-shirt, or hoodie.
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Actually, things haven’t been going well for Hawley and his family. Friends are particularly concerned to keep them from doing something… rash … when The Leader abandons his bunker…
QAnon conspiracy theorists, praying for years that Trump would flush Satan-worshipping pedophile elites out of Washington, tore apart any scrap of data from the [Trump concession] video to prove that he was playing one final trick. They subjected the time stamps to numerology, thinking that there was a secret message encoded.
I wrote about it here.
Even so, he has gone back to work, writing up articles of impeachment, suffering with members of his family through the violent takeover of the Capitol, and now describing with heartbreaking eloquence and restraint what he went through on January 6.
I’ll tell you what was truly terrifying for me. I was okay. My son, whom we lost a week ago, was very politically engaged, and I felt him with me the whole time, so I knew I was exactly where I needed to be. But my youngest daughter asked me not to go in. I told her I had to because the stakes were so huge, and I invited her to come with me. So she was with me on the Hill Wednesday, as was my son-in-law, who is married to my other daughter. They were at the Capitol for seven harrowing hours and spent at least an hour hiding under a desk in Steny Hoyer’s office with my chief of staff while I was on the floor and this violent, rampaging mob was banging on doors and trying to get in and take over that office the way they took over and trashed Nancy Pelosi’s office. Offices were being stormed and people were being killed. While Donald Trump and his family threw a party to support this violent, seditious mob, my kids were hiding under a desk.
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And on the matter of Fuckface’s removal from office:
We have a president who is egging on violent, armed insurrection against the Congress of the United States in order to block the peaceful transfer of power. This president is either unable or unwilling to faithfully execute the laws and to uphold the Constitution. Therefore he cannot successfully discharge the powers and duties of office for the next 12 days. The public has no confidence, but more importantly here, the Congress, which is charged with making sure we are secure, has no confidence that this president can do it. Those Trump die-hard sycophants still out there will say this is some kind of partisan thing, but there is broad bipartisan consensus now that Donald Trump is a lethal danger to our republic. The only person who gets new power out of this is Vice President Pence, with whom I disagree about pretty much everything. But I do think that he is a sane person and has that basic respect for the Constitution.
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So proud I voted for this man. So proud he represents me.
The guys were carrying flex cuffs, the plastic double restraints often used by police in mass arrest situations. They walked through the Senate chamber with a sense of purpose. They were not dressed in silly costumes but kitted out in full paramilitary regalia: helmets, armor, camo, holsters with sidearms. At least one had a semi-automatic rifle and 11 Molotov cocktails. At least one, unlike nearly every other right-wing rioter photographed that day, wore a mask that obscured his face.
These are the same guys who, when the windows of the Capitol were broken and entry secured, went in first with what I’d call military-ish precision. They moved with purpose, to the offices of major figures like Nancy Pelosi and then to the Senate floor. What was that purpose? It wasn’t to pose for photos. It was to use those flex cuffs on someone.
Musical background here.
Erin Hawley, the wife of Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.), was listed as of counsel to the appellate practice of Kirkland & Ellis LLP as recently as January 6, 2021, the day the Capitol coup took place. Hawley’s bio associating her with the firm has since been scrubbed from the internet.
Maybe go back to your maiden name?
Maybe leave the son of a bitch?
UD‘s kind of the same. You know – you’re watching a film and the end credits come on and you’re looking for Jewish last names… Merrick Garland gets nominated for Attorney General and you race to Wikipedia to see whether, despite the unpromising name, he’s one of us (yes)… So UD was of course intrigued (though, since she follows the subject of Orthodox Jews, not surprised) that busloads of Orthodox Jews came to Fuckface’s pre-insurrection rally, and of those more than a few stormed and ransacked the Capitol building.
If you follow the subject of right-wing Orthodox Jews, you know that en masse they LOVE Fuckface. They vote for him in droves. In fact they are his most consistent and enthusiastic voting bloc. 80%, 85% of them vote for him every time.
They love him because he’s just like them: They are a cult. He leads a cult. He hates and despises science and therefore has no trouble with their refusal to vaccinate their children, and of course with their refusal to educate their children. He loves a con, and therefore has no trouble with many of their communities’ decades of welfare fraud. A significant minority of them love to riot and they do it at the drop of a hat – and Fuckface too adores violence. Fuckface loves authoritarianism, so their worship of grand rabbis sits very well with him – benighted old guys should tell you what to do (most importantly, they should tell you to vote for Fuckface), and you should (and do) unquestioningly obey them. Ff is a white supremacist, and they are too – white ultra-Orthodox supremacists. They are a rogue mob unto themselves – in Israel and in the United States – and in Ff they have correctly identified a president who doesn’t give a fuck what they do. Cheers them on. On the very simplest level, many of the men among the ultra-Orthodox are obnoxious (consider their routine vile behavior on planes, buses, and city streets in regard to women) and obnoxiousness is just … constitutive of Ff.
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A number of people seem surprised by the coincidence, inside the desecrated Capitol building, of Israeli flags and Camp Auschwitz sweatshirts. Of fervently pious Jews, and neo-Nazis. How the hell can both…??? But that’s because they’re not thinking. Let us think about how this can be, about how American fascists who HATE HATE HATE Jews, and Orthodox American Jews, gathered together at the Capitol building on Wednesday to try to destroy American democracy.
First point: This is not the comic/pathetic thing Andrew Higgins describes having seen in post-communist violent demonstrations – demonstrations that remind him of the sick circus we saw on Wednesday. Higgins describes a confusion of lost-cause flags:
In Donetsk, these included not just the Red Flag of the defunct Soviet Union and the black-yellow-white tricolor of the long-gone Tsarist empire, but at times also the emblem of an even more distant, failed venture, the Confederate States of America.
Same seemingly irresolvable contradiction, right? Everyone gathered in solidarity to riot, some fervently hoping to bring back Stalin, others worshipful in regard to the people Stalin slaughtered, and yet others – what the hell – hoisting the Confederate flag. Amusing, ain’t it? Call it the Undifferentiated Resentment Carnivalesque.
Wednesday’s attempted coup was more organized, under the banner you better fucking look at me and let me do what I want.
Details? The ultra-Orthodox Jewish side of this is the easy one to figure. The people on those Trump rally buses represent a small incredibly tightly-knit cult which positively cultivates ignorance of any world outside itself. Abstractions like “the Israeli state” or “the American government” come to life for them primarily as impediments – via universal education mandates and the like – to their self-enclosed way of life. They are things against which you riot because you want to do what you want. Note, for instance, the wonderfully cooperative attitude toward state covid mandates we continue to witness among the ultra-Orthodox. Their appalling behavior is not really in defense of anything spiritual – they just want to do what they want.
If you ask them what about those Nazi flags waving around you at the Capitol? They will respond: What Nazi flags? And if they’re under a certain age they will respond: What’s a Nazi?
As for the neo-Nazis: They might not like Jews, but they love them some Israel. “[T]here’s a real affinity here … Far-right nationalists often see Israel, particularly its current far-right government, as an ally. When far-right extremists like [Richard] Spencer look at Israel, they claim to see more than a hint of their own vision for society.” Obviously the American fascist view of Israel is wacky; nonetheless, it inspires and animates white nationalists at the highest levels.
Most broadly, you saw ultra-Orthodox Jews and neo-Nazis at the Capitol because violent anti-democratic extremists/cultists recognize one another; they recognize that much more unites than divides them.
