… I mean… If you’re having trouble knowing where to laugh (there are many laugh-locations), UD will insert parenthetical LOLs to help you.

Ready?

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Oh right. I need to remind you that … well, let UD‘s pal Mark Killingsworth remind you. Read this.

Ok? Now are you ready? Here goes.

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It’s been another difficult week being a Rutgers football fan. Keith Sargeant of NJ Advance Media reported on Wednesday that starting safety K.J. Gray and reserve linebacker Brendan DeVera had been dismissed from the program. On Thursday night, Sargeant reported as many as eight players were currently under investigation for credit card fraud [LOL] by the Rutgers police department. Sargeant’s colleague, James Kratch, also reported that Gray was recently charged for an incident in June that included driving with an open container and possession of marijuana. Training camp is less than three weeks away from beginning and the Rutgers football team already has their backs against the wall this season. For fans, this Friday the 13th certainly feels like another horror film sequel.

… his current view while hiking
in Garmisch-Partenkirchen.

Shades of James Tracy, Mike Leach, and other campus conspiracists.

Rather than simply acknowledging the Sandusky/Nyang’oro Principle at our most sports-obsessed schools – university administrators can’t and won’t control anything having to do with big-ticket athletics – Jim Jordan and his fellow conspiracists deny the fucking obvious and the obvious fucking at one more degenerate American university sports program.

Called to account for what happened at Ohio State, they reach way, way outside the orbit of anyone’s moral responsibility.

Indeed the Deadspin writer I quote in my headline is right: Eventually Jordan and Louie Gohmert and company will determine that like the “dead” “kids” of Sandy Hook and Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, their accusers from the wrestling team are all crisis actors.

… toddles along, universally lauded as financially and reputationally enriching, healthy for mind and body, and an epicenter of mainstream all-American manhood in a world gone mad. Massive incessant scandals involving psychotic team doctors, ancient horny ex-coaches in rut, and rampagingly rapist players discourages this nation’s enthusiasm for big-time college athletics not at all. Such things happen, to be sure; but they could happen anywhere – so why not at an institution of higher learning?

The current appearance on the scene of Jordan and Gordon – an ex-coach and an ex-jock school president (Gordon’s currently head of hopeless-drunk West Virginia University) – takes us yet again on a trip down memory lane as we revisit the notoriously sicko programs they oversaw.

Gordon Gee is of course famous for having said, when asked, as president of Ohio State, if he would fire the corrupt football coach: “I’m just hopeful the coach doesn’t dismiss me.” He remembers nothing of any sexual abuse scandal involving athletics when he led that school. Jim Jordan similarly remembers nothing of Ohio State’s psycho team doc when he coached there, even though eight players have come forward to say Jordan knew all about the sexual abuse of players, not just from their doctor, but from random members of the Ohio State community who’d jam into the team sauna to masturbate at the sight of the guys.

Yes, it’s a kinked-up world, and the kinkmeisters go on to other presidencies and other leadership positions and nothing happened and away we go.

Four generations: Mitzi, preggers with UD;
Grandma Fanny Kirson Wasserman; and
Great Grandma Rebecca Kirson.

UD‘s sister Barbara is
already out of the womb.

History of the school here.

Ohio State University (OSU) is currently investigating the actions of Dr. Richard Strauss over claims he sexually abused male athletes at the university while he was team doctor for the school’s wrestling program, and other athletic teams, between 1978 and 1998. Strauss [killed himself] in 2005.

OSU have stated that they have received allegations of sexual misconduct by Strauss from 14 sports teams and from patients of the school’s student health services unit …

Mark Coleman, the UFC’s first heavyweight champion, wrestled at Ohio State in the 1980s and 90s…

Coleman is one of [seven] former wrestlers who have come forward in recent days to not only claim Strauss molested them, but that U.S Representative Jim Jordan, a Republican who represents Ohio’s 4th congressional district, had knowledge of these types of accusations regarding Strauss.

The University of Wyoming’s latest marketing slogan (which UD has cited and … extended a bit … in her headline) is generating controversy.

NOT because cowboys (plus all them guns, natch) have given Wyoming jest ’bout the country’s highest suicide rate, but because the slogan’s offensive.

… for long detailed descriptions in the nation’s press of old men showering with young college athletes, or hanging around saunas masturbating while watching the lads, this is your lucky day.

It’s not Penn State this time, but it’s another one of America’s most spirited and disgusting jockshops – Ohio State.

Ohio State! Type its name in my search engine for an entire afternoon of beyond-sick stories from the land of healthy mind/healthy body university sports.

[H]ead [wrestling] coach Russ Hellickson had to physically drag the voyeurs out of the building on multiple occasions, and reportedly begged the university to move the team to a private facility.

Feast your imagination on a vision of masturbators, their tongues still hanging out of their mouths and their dicks still hanging out of their pants, being dragged outside by the head coach on the campus of Ohio State University!

[Bob]: Hey Betty how bout that physics exam.

[Betty]: What was that? Did you see that?

[Coach Hellickson]: They don’t pay me enough to drag these jagoffs out of the building.

And yeah yeah that nice congressman who used to be a coach there knew nothing of any of this.

… the Israeli education system, they fare less well in Switzerland and England, where governments are starting to shut down the most reactionary and psycho (get a load of their censored textbooks!) haredi schools. Israel is afraid to do the same, since their haredi population has successfully learned at least this much: How to riot and burn down cities.

House-sitting, gunny-style.

… the University of Maryland.

Lawdy. Hand me my smelling salts.

… Teaism (I’ve featured Teaism on this blog), and twenty-four hours later, you resign.

Go figure.

… put them in a pile, then take a break
from work (because you feel you are about
to die of heat stroke).

Five minutes later: voila.

A deer buffet.