“… Did somebody smell gas?…. Haha but seriously folks…”

A song to Martin Shkreli from his attorney, Benjamin Brafman.

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Sing it with me.

“Keep your damn mouth shut, Shkreli,
Til I say your trial’s a wrap.
Gag order’s coming, Shkreli.
Shut. Your. Trap.

Down Riker’s Lane we’ll wander,
Dumbfuck you and I.
Keep your damn mouth shut, Shkreli.
Repent! The end is nigh.”

Uncle Sam whizzes by in a late model Mercedes.

The Mayor waves.

Parade theme: Journalism.

More journalism.

Old-time journalists, including a cigar chomper.

Too right, as UD‘s mother used to say.

But Israel has made its bed with the ultra orthodox. And now it’s got to sleep in it.

From comments accompanying a petition urging Marshall University to retain engineering professor Andrew Nichols, who has just pled guilty to an elaborate, years-long (2009-2011), tax fraud conspiracy.

I think there is a lot not known.

I think he was the scale goat for this mess.

[H]e was dragged into [legal issues] by crooked people.

He shouldn’t lose his job over something that happened years ago !!!

[He has remained] focused, positive, and effective … during this difficult time.

Not like he murdered anyone.

Marshall has no good professors in engineering and he is the best.

In honor of its last generation of leaders, Baylor has announced that it has changed both its mascot (a bear) and its motto (Pro Ecclesia, Pro Texana).

New mascot is here.

New motto: Magnae Parvum Nuces Cerebrum (Big Nuts Small Brain)

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UD thanks Dame Eleanor Hull for correcting her Latin.

Man oh man oh Manischewitz. Innocent little UD was just outside sprucing up her garden in anticipation of guests arriving tomorrow to watch the Garrett Park July Fourth parade from her driveway. She saw a wingéd creature unlike any she’d seen before – bright blue, dipping again and again into one of her birdbaths, it had a weird circular shape, and seemed two headed!  A two-headed, two-bodied dragonfly?

UD had in fact witnessed the famous mating wheel and then the absolute madness of two copulating dragonflies.  

Here’s a picture of what she saw (she was too scandalized to have time to take a picture) before the zipping and dipping (all of it around my garden’s puddles and baths) began.

A Baylor spokeswoman, Lori Fogleman, wrote in an email that the university declined to comment.

Update: Baylor Board Chair Calls Female Students ‘Perverted Little Tarts.’

But ol’ Buddy ol’ pal — echt Wacoan, echt Baylor trustee, echt pious hypocrite (“[Ken] Starr … chronicled frustration with Jones in a recent book. Starr almost resigned in 2011 after Jones made a crude remark about the Baylor Alumni Association at a Baylor football game…”) — inexplicably restricted himself to calling female Baylor students who drank at a party (none, apparently, were underage) “perverted little tarts.”

Then-Baylor University Regent Neal “Buddy” Jones referred to female students he suspected of drinking alcohol as “perverted little tarts,” “very bad apples,” “insidious and inbred” and “the vilest and most despicable of girls” in 2009 emails to a faculty adviser, according to documents filed in a Title IX lawsuit against the university.

Ten alleged sexual assault victims suing Baylor attached the emails in a Friday legal filing to show a culture “using the alcohol policy as a pretext to shame, silence and threaten to expel a female student.”

Cunt and tart are both monosyllabic, and both end in T, but if you want to be president of the United States, not just a former Baylor trustee and current national laughingstock, you’re going to have to go all the way, like Mr. Trump.

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Buddy Jones – Bobby Lowder reincarnate – is Baylor. Know what I mean? You wanna know the deep structure, the god’s own truth, of a university, you take a good look at Buddy Jones, moral scold, sexist pig, and his state’s third-biggest water hog. Just like Ken Starr, he’s a walking talking religious hypocrisy doll; and boy do he sure hate women.

Buddy ain’t too bright when it comes to committing his thoughts to email. I mean, he knows enough to ask his correspondents to keep the emails private, but he doesn’t seem to understand the unlikelihood of this approach to privacy working.

In the 2009 correspondence, Jones also asked Davis to remove his name and comments from the email and wrote that his comments “are meant solely for you,” adding that at least one of the women should face expulsion.

Davis responded to Jones that day, saying the photos chronicling an engagement party did not include minors.

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So here comes all that correspondence for all of us to read – onaccounta oodles of never-ending Baylor rape trials and their evidence – and we get a good look at what we already knew: Southern sports factories are typically run by endless layers of assholes. The management structure of these schools is like that dim sum dish, thousand layer cake, only here it’s thousand layer assholes. Art Briles, Ken Starr, Buddy Jones – a whole royal asshole family ran Baylor, and now the place is trying to replace them with less assholery, but we’ve got a tradition here, people.

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For earlier posts on the asshole triumvirate, go here.

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NEW BAYLOR FIGHT SONG

(sing it with me)

Perverted Little Tarts!
Perverted Little Tarts!
Drunk and slutty through the years
Seducing with their arts!
They tempt our jocks and bring them low
Then claim that they were raped
Lord guide us as we courtward go
And pray that nothing got taped.

Darren Carrington, a [University of Oregon] senior wide receiver, was arrested early Saturday morning on misdemeanor DUI charges. Carrington was arrested at 3:15am after his car collided with a McDonald’s drive-thru …

Carrington [broke] a man’s arm the night before Halloween while dressed as The Joker. He failed a drug test before the 2015 National Championship Game and was suspended the first 6 games of last season. In October 2015 he was cited for an open container. [BUT!!!] Carrington had 43 catches and 5 touchdowns last season.

In other words: The kid stays in the picture.

Five years ago, Raphael Magarik said what many people who care about distributive justice in America know – systemic welfare abuse rages among the country’s growing ultraorthodox sects. This is money that should go to the actually needy. It’s being stolen.

Strangely, as Magarik notes, the practice is as flagrant as it is widespread. Larger and larger communities of people not entitled to welfare benefits work the system and take them anyway and suffer no consequences. How is this possible?

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You see how it happens when (very) occasional law enforcement action comes down, as it has in the last week in Lakewood, New Jersey. The first person arrested for stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars that should have gone to, for instance, struggling public schools was the community’s rabbi. Its spiritual leader.

Not only have the authorities known for ages about these criminal conspiracies; they actually met with the community a couple of years ago and suggested they knock it off.

asks a recent local headline. The article quotes local citizens wondering why an entire community got a helpful suggestion from the police rather than the sweeping arrests it’s getting now. All the money lost over those years might not have been lost had police “just admitted there’s widespread fraud” and arrested people for it.

How Did Massive NJ Welfare Fraud Scheme Work?

Another headline.

Answer? Just by doing it.

The paper trail shows the relative ease the families had in allegedly defrauding the government. In one case, authorities say a woman was able to withdraw $1.5 million from a company and deposit the money into her personal bank account while still collecting public assistance.

You just do it. The authorities know what you’re doing and they do nothing. They call a town meeting. Years later they arrest a bunch of people and the sect agrees to try not to do it anymore.

Hundreds of people have called local officials, inquiring if there would be amnesty for those who admit lying about their incomes, and the APP reported that Ocean County authorities have been swamped with calls from public assistance beneficiaries seeking to stop receiving benefits.

Then, since it’s “a lifestyle,” they do it again.

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So nu. Israel is increasingly a religious state and it can’t do much about its own humongous haredi mess: Close to a million unemployed or underemployed people, many of whom deny the legitimacy of the state and make sure their children continue the unemployability tradition by refusing to follow the mandated national curriculum.

America is another matter. UD is baffled as to why our own fiscal and legal institutions, fully aware of the situation, do little or nothing.

[Josiah Austin] placed what ended up totaling $4.8 million in Elea Capital, a hedge fund that [Martin] Shkreli started, in 2007.

“To make money,” Austin said, when asked why he did so.

… to clear the front fields.

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Taken this afternoon at our upstate house.

UD will be there for her birthday this August.

Each woman tried pleading her belly.
Each man said “No, no. Much too smelly.
There’s puke, crap, and fartin’
But nothin’s like Martin.
I can’t be a juror for Shkreli.”

“The only thing I would be impartial about is which prison he goes to,” one [prospective Martin Shkreli] juror said. That person was dismissed — as more than 250 were…