Capacity of Aloha Stadium: 50,000.

Background here.

Not a problem. They’ll be running promos for this instead.

… hope.

Sing it.

They’d said “You’re tax-free till you die.”
They’d said “Vast billions, all tax-free.”
And as the years went slowly by,
She went past Jordan’s GDP.

They kept a tally on their wall,
And went half-crazy now and then
She’d given thirty mill apiece
To her favorite money men.

She kept the main part for herself
Though Grassley said that wouldn’t do.
She read his thoughts on five percent,
And told him “Senator, fuck you.”

I went to see her just today,
And now the tears began to flow
Endowment’s pushing forty bill,
But some of that might have to go.

They started taxing her today
They placed a wreath upon her door
And soon they’ll carry her away
They started taxing her today

Sometimes it’s hard to be a Christian
Giving all your love to fallen men
You’ll have bad times
And they’ll have good times
Telling kids to touch them with their hands

But if you love God you’ll forgive them
For Satan makes their cocks to swell
Satan grabs their tighty whities
And then he hurls them down to hell

Stand by your man
Give him your child to cling to
And something young to come to
When Satan’s lusts are burning

Stand by your man
And give him teenly pleasure
Your man’s a godly treasure
Stand by your man

[The University of Louisiana] is playing Ole Miss on Saturday without four starters, each of whom is suspended …

[Okay. Four players is a lot at one time, but… ok…]

… The suspensions are related to the four being arrested during the offseason last spring.

[Related? Caused by, no? And were they arrested together because of the same offense? What’s the deal?]

Thirteen UL players, including those four, initially were arrested for conspiracy to commit felony theft.

[Whoa. Now thirteen. Thirteen, even by the rancid standards of this country’s student-athletes, is a lot. What gives?]

It’s believed the other nine served a one-game suspension at various points earlier in the season, but their suspensions were not made public at the time – and the Cajuns did nothing to make clear the real reason they were out.

[Murkier and murkier! So the university quietly suspended this player for this game and that player for that game without telling anyone… Cuz a couple of player absences per game isn’t going to attract attention… And the university said nothing about it…]

It some cases, it was thought the absent players were out because of injuries.

[Why was that thought? Because the coaches told the local press that?]

The 13 later had the charge against them reduced to criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, with a chance to have the charge eventually dismissed upon completion of a pre-trial diversion program that includes community service, drug testing and other program requirements.

[What the fuck did they do? Aren’t you a newspaper? Aren’t you supposed to tell me?]

… They were arrested April 25, following an investigation that produced video evidence of an occurrence at Huger Hall on campus.

[An occurrence? Now I’m laughing! WTF.]

The alleged victim in the case: former teammate Artez Williams, who was arrested for felony rape on the same day items allegedly were taken from his room.

[My head is spinning. Hold on. We don’t know what they did, but they did it to Artez, whose recent terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day featured an arrest for rape and the theft of items from his room, but whose woes also include a still-unspecified attack by thirteen current football players…. Or are we talking about the theft?]

Williams recently had a pre-trial hearing in which he was scheduled for another pre-trial for a date in 2018.

[… And?… But this is basically the end of the article…]

Some good writing from an Alabama scribe. ‘Course it’s about ol’ Roy.

Roy Moore’s campaign song.

[When comic Kathy Griffin, in her show in Dublin,] referred to “being in the United Kingdom,” she was startled by the reaction of the Dublin audience. The packed crowd of die-hard fans turned on her, hissing and booing. She seemed thrown off-balance, and had trouble returning to her story.

College football’s got all that stuff, plus it bashes your brains out.

The United States of America fraternity system.

You be the judge.

As it turns out, we can. Perhaps we can. Consider this headline, about one of America’s most Islamophobic politicians:

So! It turns out that Roy Moore has something very fundamental in common with more than a few Moslem men: They all believe fourteen year old girls are fair game.

Some Muslims who follow a conservative interpretation of sharia argue that Islam permits child marriage…

Once you find a common ground like this one, you have a chance to build on it toward greater and greater mutual understanding. And that’s how you make the world a better place.

… let’s consider a comment from an Arizona State University observer. Why is its stadium empty?

I grew up an ASU fan and will always be, but what has happened is sickening. $305 million dollar upgrade to a tax-funded stadium that has at best 9 games per year, partially empty, ludicrous. I wish we could go back to educating rather than allowing our teachers [to] try to become businessmen. There is a reason they teach and are not in private business. No private business would spend $300 million to upgrade a venue with only 9 games possible a year even if sold out. Bring back sanity!

So the insanity has made him too sick to attend games.

Other perennial excuses include high ticket prices, a losing record, and, well, it’s so much more pleasant to watch in your quiet home, with its absence of threatening drunks and ear-splitting non-stop ads from the Adzillatron.

Plus lately there’s something kinda… squirmy… about watching college football. “The reality,” notes Bob Costas, “is that this game destroys people’s brains.” Now maybe it doesn’t bother you to watch college students get their brains bashed in. I mean, yeah, probably it doesn’t. But Costas says that in a few years, as more posthumous CTE scans come in, even you might start feeling a little uncomfortable shrieking with glee when an opposing player is stretchered off the field, his hands shaking ever so strangely.

The song is ended, but the melody lingers on.