One for all, and all for one.

Russia’s Entire 2014 World Cup Squad
Face Fifa Doping Investigation

‘Asst. ETSU Football Coach Suspended After Threatening to Hang Hotel Clerk “From a Noose”‘

Well, what else would he hang him from?

According to court paperwork, [East Tennessee State University defensive line coach Jeffrey] Brumett threatened to kill, beat, and hang a hotel clerk “from a noose” because his room key card didn’t work… He’s charged with disorderly conduct, assault, and public intoxication.

Third Vanderbilt Rape…

Sing it with me!

Third Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt rape;
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape
Third Vanderbilt rape
Third Vanderbilt Vanderbilt rape.

***********************

For UD‘s many Vanderbilt rape posts,
go here.

UD thanks Keith.

Giving head…

coach a bit of a hassle.

Louche Louisville again. Yes.

Now Coach Pitino’s guys argued that the penalty for running a long-established house of prostitution in a special dorm just for its teenage basketball recruits and their fathers should be, like, almost nothing because

… the “monetary value” associated with the strippers was so low — reasoning that Jo Potuto, who previously chaired the NCAA infractions committee and is a constitutional law professor at the University of Nebraska, found “absurd.”

… “To suggest it’s not as significant because there’s no monetary value,” [she] said, “well, I think parents would think paying a kid $1,000 is a whole lot more respectful in the way college athletes should be treated rather than giving them a prostitute.”

Babe.

First, the parents didn’t mind fucking low monetary value whores either.

Second: Tell an eighteen-year-old lad trembling on the brink of the joy of sex that he has a choice between an orgy for him and his dad, with professionals who’ll do anything for them, and a check for a thousand bucks. Other opportunities to make a thousand dollars will present themselves to him; but this precious chance to bond with the old man while balling his brains out may never come again.

***********

UD thanks Wendy for the update.

University of Colorado Defends its Football Team Against Scurrilous Allegations from Some Random Female.

Chick claimed that our blessed Joe Tumpkin
Was doing some violent humpkin.
This hysterical muff
Tried to mess up our Buffs!
We ignored the embarrassing lumpkin.

****************

UD thanks Keith for the update on this story.

Scathing Online Schoolmarm Says: Yes, We’re All Excited about Penn State’s Next Chapter…

… but as a writer you want to remain calm and control your prose as you discuss the upcoming HBO movie. This prose has too much figurative language all over the place, creating the chaos of mixed metaphors. SOS has helpfully italicized the problem areas:

Make no mistake: there’s plenty of material to be mined for the HBO drama. The firestorm that ensued following the 2011 arrest of Sandusky nearly tore the Penn State community in half and caused a flurry of controversy in all areas of public conversation. Resurrecting these events and examining the tense subject matter through the lens of famed director Barry Levinson and the prowess of Pacino will be mighty fascinating.

This prose literally runs hot and cold, as we venture from a firestorm that neatly cuts a community in half to a snowy flurry. Mining and resurrections are thrown in for good measure, leaving the reader all of a mucksweat (to quote Bella Cohen).

Headline of the Day: From Deadspin.

‘CAL IS FUCKED BECAUSE OF ITS STUPID STADIUM DEAL’

The [University of California – Berkeley] stadium debt is so large that funding may have to come out of the school’s non-athletics budget soon. The school’s largest donors donate to both the school and the athletics programs, and any disruption of sports could decrease the overall amount of donations.

“I just think when you play for God and you play for the right reasons, good things happen.”

And that’s why Baylor University is where it is today!

UD knew that the front door of the university, the blessed bounteous beautiful phenomenon of big-time sports, would eventually land a university president in prison.

It’s a real red-letter day for university sports at that most fervent sports school, Penn State. Not to be outdone by America’s rape capital, Baylor University athletics, Penn State now waves goodbye to a president and a vice-president as they both go behind bars for child endangerment. Graham Spanier gets “two months to be served behind bars and two more to be served under house arrest,” while his vp gets “two [months] to be served in jail and four under house arrest.”

As for the Penn State athletic director whose talk a few years ago at a Knight Commission meeting in Washington was so disgusting, cynical, and insulting a whitewash of university sports that UD and others in the audience audibly groaned and laughed as he spoke: He gets “7-23 months with three months to be served in jail and four more under house arrest.”

Pardon my French, but UD can’t tell you what sweet poetic justice it is that this asshole is going to jail.

***************

A university president in prison for child endangerment! And all because he was afraid of Joe Paterno and his creepy band of Happy Valley fanatics. But anyway. That’s ancient history. Today we all focus our attention on that other dominant force on the campus of Penn State University: fraternities.

From a Deadspin comment thread:

Don’t worry- few Penn staters will be outraged. They’re too busy being outraged that people might expect their fraternities to act like civilized people.

This is hilarious.

UD‘s friend Jay Smith offers a very popular course on the history of college athletics that so terrifies faculty and administrators at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill — a place that felt perfectly comfortable offering for twenty years Julius Nyang’oro’s Bullshit for Jocks course — that they’ve cancelled it.

Ol’ UD is more than familiar with the Kafkaesque absurdities of football factories like UNC; but she will admit that the leadership of a school peeing itself at the thought of an eminent historian offering a course on a subject arguably more urgent than any other for corrupt jock-worshippers like UNC to think about is – well, hilarious. Truly a new low.

Here’s a school made sordid by athletics, and it’s now trembling at the possibility of merely thinking about the roots of its depravity.

Read the emails in this article.

Ending a Proposition with a Sentence.

Years after Jerry Sandusky went after a little boy in a Penn State University shower, that school’s president at the time faces sentencing in court.

Ever since 2006…

… (see last three paragraphs), UD has followed the predictable – predicted – demise of Western Kentucky University as it embraces big-time football. As object-of-ridicule-and-contempt Professor Robert Dietel tried to tell the WKU idiots more than ten years ago, it’ll bring expensive slimy coaches and violent players to campus. It’ll drain the already paltry funds available for academics, and the steady march of player arrests will associate WKU’s name with criminality. The latest big roundup of players – for beating the shit out of a fraternity guy – on camera – is getting the national publicity it deserves.

I hope the WKU trustees who attacked Dietel are proud of themselves.

Baylor Football! YEAH!!!

I felt dirty and gross for going to football games or supporting the school; I stopped going to games after my junior year.

****************

When it started to come out, some of my professors would [make] little sacrilegious jokes; they’d say things like “our good Baptist institution,” and there was just a level of acrimony to it.

****************

[T]he law students felt like their law degree was being cheapened by the scandal. It’s frustrating to be tied to a school that’s so obviously misogynistic. A lot of it was us being like, ‘Are you serious? It’s 2015, ‘16, ‘17; it’s an actual joke that people still think we can favor football over the safety of women on campus.’

****************

Football was fun, and it’s not as much fun anymore because it’s like, look at what some members of the football team have been accused of doing. For me there’s also some frustration there because we have a really good product in the education we offer our students, and it’s like, ‘You all tarnished that.’ When people hear ‘Baylor,’ they think about the football team. Our reputation has been tarnished, and it shouldn’t be.

*****************

None of the women interviewed above mentions Waco’s great bar scene, so UD will. Those who think the Twin Peaks shootout was the only opportunity for Baylor women to get shot as well as raped need to know that the fun continues.

‘If the NCAA chooses to not punish UNC for what to me are clear and nefarious attempts to maintain athletic eligibility through fraudulent means, then it needs to get out of any academic oversight in college sports completely.’

Who says the NCAA has been doing any oversight?

Um, it’s not a novel.

VIOLATED: Exposing Rape at Baylor University amid College Football’s Sexual Assault Crisis by Paula Lavigne and Mark Schlabach is scheduled to hit the bookshelves August 22.

Center Street Books of Hachette Book Group announced Wednesday it will publish the novel

A person could be forgiven for assuming a story about an ostentatiously Christian university run by a six million dollar a year coach who looks the other way while his athletes brandish guns and gang rape would of course be fictional. It’s such a crudely conceived, over-the-top hypocrisy tale (including the last-minute desperate appointment of a female president) that most publishers would reject it as absurdly formulaic.

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