Rumbles: Tumpkin

Your university’s coach is an alleged domestic abuser, but you need him to coach a game. What to do? What to do?

Ah, fuck it. The game must go on. We can come up with some cover story about why we let him coach after we knew about the charges against him.

[The University of Colorado] says that the reason they did not take any personnel action against Joe Tumpkin until Jan. 6, in spite of the fact that Mike MacIntyre, Rick George and Chancellor Phil DiStefano knew about the allegations of domestic abuse on Dec. 9 or shortly thereafter, was that they did not have documents “from a court or an investigation by police….”

Since when does the university have to have documents “from a court or an investigation by police” in order to, at a minimum, pass the information they have about possible sexual harassment or discrimination on to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)? Many cases of sexual harassment investigated by the university are not even reported to police. As the former director of the Office of Victim Assistance, and one who had a part in crafting sexual harassment reporting policy of that time (2005-2011), I know that the policy then stated that any mandatory reporter (anyone who had supervisory responsibilities) had to pass any information they received about possible sexual harassment to the investigatory office.

There were multiple trainings about this for faculty and staff. My understanding is that, though policies have changed since 2011, they have only been strengthened.

Unfortunately, the conflict of interest between protecting university high-profile sports athletes, coaches and staff, and the university’s commitment to end sexual violence and discrimination by campus personnel is once again rearing its ugly head.

As ever, the physically fit/mentally feeble people running the sports show at Colorado figured we’d all be fine with their bs. As ever, we’re not.

When a golden coach turns into a Tumpkin.

Joe “100 Chokes” Tumpkin couldn’t have happened to a more obvious school. Put University Colorado Football in UD‘s search engine and go to town on a twenty year history of rape coverup, academic fraud, and all the rest of it, non-stop. The only question is how much this latest beyond-squalid event is going to cost the school. Will it cost them as much as Penn State’s Sandusky? (Quarter billion and it ain’t over yet.)

Michigan State University Professor Pioneers Digital Rectal Treatment for …

back pain.

What’s heartwarming about these heartland stories is that all the guys immediately got admitted to other universities.

The Boise State football team dismissed senior linebacker Kameron Miles on Wednesday following his arrest on a domestic battery charge.

He is the seventh player to be dismissed from the team, or to leave facing suspension, since the start of the 2016 calendar year.

BSU’s coach is clearly worth every penny of his $1.3 million salary. If I were a BSU student, I’d be eager to give more of my tuition and student fees to a man with such a terrific eye for recruits.

Baylor University: It Never Rains But it Whores.

It Never Rains but it Whores


Did y’ever wake up in the morning
And grumble as you tumble out of bed?
Your strength coach arrested — solicitation.
You might lose SAC accreditation.
The school of Ken Starr and Art Briles
Is drowning in lawsuits and trials
Your regents are vile but they won’t do town halls
You’re out of compliance with Big 12 by-laws
Yes, all day long,
Everything you touch goes wrong.

Teacher told us, when this happens, never to whine or wail;
The same things happen at other schools, but on a much smaller scale!

It never rains but what it whores;
If lady luck should happen to desert you,
Some gang rape’s never gonna hurt you,
So wait and the skies will all be blue.

It never rains but what it whores;
So what if all your troubles come in bunches,
Keep sticking to your silly little coaches,
And the sun will come shining through.

Bide your time and keep on hummin’,
Don’t you frown and sit around and weep.
Wait your turn, your day is comin’,
And you’ll be there on top of the heap!

It never rains but what it whores;
You may as well get all your worries over,
From then on you’re gonna be in clover!
Smile when you should cry,
For every cloud there’ll be a rainbow,
There’ll be a sunbeam for every raindrop by and by!


[UD thanks many readers who have sent her Baylor updates.]

Superb Owl Sunday

Starts here.

Script by George Orwell

“At the end of the day, I’m hoping that the NCAA and others will recognize that instead of punishing Baylor, they ought to be saluted,” [a lawyer for three Baylor University trustees] said. “I think they ought to be held up as a model for how to respond.”

The Italianization of France, the Francization of Denmark, the Louisianization of Minnesota, the Baylorization of the University of Kansas.

There’s always a country or state or institution pretty nearby that looms as the embodiment of your fear that your proud local culture is just this far away from sinking into the depravity of that other place.

[M]any in Paris [anxiously note the] “Italianization” of French life — the descent into what might become an unseemly round of [Silvio] Berlusconian squalor…

As in – France got this close to electing President Dominique Strauss-Kahn. (Dom and Don would have been great friends.)

Leave aside the details of the [rape and pimping] allegations against Dominique Strauss Kahn, the head of the IMF (his lawyer indicates he will plead not guilty). Just note that the New York Times states that he was staying in a $3,000 a night suite and was taking a first class flight to Paris. This is the IMF, the body that imposes austerity on indebted countries and is funded by global taxpayers. And this was the likely leading socialist candidate for the French presidency.

Money and sex sleaze is all over, of course (hence widespread Italianization fears), but let’s consider this warning to the University of Kansas (a public university) in the specific context of global elites and public money/general sleaze.


First: The problem besetting Francois Fillon today is exactly DSK’s problem, minus the raping: Greed + Hypocrisy. Fillon is just as stern about austerity (for the common French; not for him and his family) as was DSK’s IMF. Now his decade-long extraction of roughly a million euros from the public purse – like DSK’s use of global taxpayer money for his hotel room and flight – has the French joking about le million de Fillon and referring to François Million.

Maybe the world should establish special austerity guidelines for elites: Spain’s Princess Cristina may soon be sent to prison for a few years – she’s accused of being her husband’s accomplice in taking six million public euros (he faces twenty years confinement)… Which really when you think about it makes Fillon’s takings seem very small indeed (one v. six million), and maybe they weren’t even illegal! DSK’s takings were even less (he wasn’t head of IMF long enough to raid it), and almost certainly they followed the letter of the law.

One reason to let most of the elites get away with it is that elite corruption that gets discovered begets much more corruption. Cristina’s father – the King of Spain when her story broke – apparently offered a two million euro bribe to some people to make her trial go away.

Having to deal with corruption is bad enough. Having to deal with corruption involving very rich and powerful people is a serious nuisance.


Which brings me to the kings of America: our football coaches. It is they who assemble and – er – stabilize a roster of university or professional players, they who – at universities – command the highest public employee salary in twenty-seven of our states. (In other states, it’s basketball coaches.) They’re making scads more than the terrified president of their university, and, like Art Briles, they really get free rein. Everyone moves out of their way or enables them – campus police, town police, alumni, trustees, administrators, professors, presidents, chancellors, legislators… hell, governors — not a peep out of them. As for female students who may get beaten or raped by some of the players the coach has expensively recruited … Baylor’s football coach, Briles, allegedly “questioned why a woman was with ‘bad dudes’ from his football team after [he was told about] a gang rape accusation.” What kind of a dummy comes to a school that represents itself in this way and doesn’t know to expect gang rapes from bad dudes? Don’t women applicants read our admissions information? Baylor University seeks out bad dudes and deifies them.

Okay, so that’s the way of life. Like most corruption, it tends to feature elements of sex, money, and cover-up. I’ve always found it pretty remarkable that it thrives at universities, of all places – that bad dudes and even worse coaches dominate life on many campuses. But as with the Spanish monarchy, it takes far more than one disgusting eruption to bury the crown. You dump your current regent (he gets another job right away, maybe again at a noisily self-righteous Christian campus), take down his statue, and install a new royal house.


So okay this article. This article is about what its author daintily refers to as “the situation in Lawrence.” He’s not very specific about it, but all of the links in this sentence begin to scratch the surface. He’s worried about Baylor-corruption contagion; he uses the fate of Baylor as a cautionary tale for Kansas.

Many universities have an alarming tendency of allowing sports-related problems to fester because they won’t deal with them head-on. Coaches become too powerful and too autonomous to challenge. Image protection overwhelms honesty and transparency. A toxic tolerance level for bad behavior and bad students builds up.

At Baylor, a basketball player murdered his teammate in 2003, and the coach at the time (Dave Bliss) maliciously smeared the dead man in order to cover up NCAA violations. Within the football program, the [last coach,] (Art Briles, may he never coach again) expended quite a bit of energy keeping accusations about his players from going public or reaching the school’s judicial affairs office, and in obtaining special treatment from the administration. Briles had allies above him in athletic director Ian McCaw and school president Kenneth Starr.

The writer urges Kansas – which, remarkably even by university athletics standards, boasts “six incidents involving Kansas basketball players, in some form or fashion, that have come to light within the past two weeks,” not to deepen its institutional corruption by acting like Baylor (he could have chosen Florida State etc. etc., but Baylor’s the most recent) and adding cover-up to corruption.

If the Kansas trustees are smart and conscientious and concerned about the university as a whole and not just as a basketball power, they’re pushing hard for all the facts – and, if warranted, for immediate and significant action. Public action.

Don’t spend more energy trying to hide problems than fix problems. Don’t, at any cost, follow the Baylor blueprint.

But of course it isn’t just the trustees, and anyway we have no reason to think that the same trustees who let KU turn into dreck will reverse course. (And look who’s running the place.)

And speaking of reversals – given the history, over the last decade or so, of the University of Kansas, I’m afraid the corruption-contagion arguably goes the other way: Kansas has stunk to high heaven for a long time.


Update, Fillon:

[I]nvestigators [are] now also probing whether Mr Fillon awarded the highest French state honour – the Grand Croix de la Légion d’Honneur – to the wealthy owner of a literary review in return for giving his wife a well-paid sinecure.

“It’s repulsive that we’ve found ourselves in a culture where multiple players on multiple teams at a single university are arrested yearly.”

From the student newspaper at … Auburn?

If you’ve ever had trouble justifying the salaries of university football coaches, just read this.

A coach’s work is never done.

“If you mention Baylor’s mission one more time, I’m going to throw up … I was promised a national championship.”

A Baylor booster speaks.

Doctrinal missions?

Don’t make me puke.

Nocturnal emissions.

“[W]hile he is lecturing everyone is either on their phones or laptops ignoring him… Imagine standing there in front of 100s of students and being ignored.”

Hector Perla, late of UC Santa Cruz, hit all his marks. In class, he didn’t give a shit about being ignored – let ’em use laptops! – and outside of class… well… He just scored “one of the largest Title IX settlements in US history.”

Haha – I mean, his student did. The student he reportedly raped.

The claim centered on allegations that the student was sexually assaulted by one of her professors on June 13, 2015 and that UCSC knew for years that the Professor was a sexual predator. “It let the wolf roam,” Kristensen Weisberg, LLP alleged. UCSC’s failure to rein in the professor “only encouraged his ambitions. Like many other higher institutions, UCSC looked the other way when it became aware [the professor] was hunting undergraduates…The sexual assault and UCSC’s response is illustrative of the criminal neglect by a feckless administration that cannot even follow its own rules, and once it is too late, it tries to bandage up its prior malfeasance.”

UCSC had to pay out a lot of money – but that was just for one lone wolf. Here’s hoping the Baptist General Convention of Texas is real rich. The last football coach at Baylor University was recently described as “a free pimp” for his players.

“The NCAA is caught in a strange dynamic: It’s attempting to define its shrinking jurisdiction at the same time that the nature of corruptions in college sports and the stakes are growing.”

Her sentence is maybe a little grammatically awkward at the end, but Sally Jenkins gets the job done here, noting first of all that corruption in university football is currently massive and growing. She notes more particularly that America’s most rape-licious campus – oh-so-Baptist Baylor – should get NCAA’s death penalty, but probably won’t cuz there’s too much money at stake. “[T]he death penalty is difficult to contemplate when major college football revenue is more than $3.4 billion.”

Plus, whether it’s Whorehouse University of Louisville or Sex Slave Baylor University (spiritual sex slaves, like what did they call those Greek temple prossies, hierodoulos), who are we to interfere with freedom of religion? It’s been said often enough – and it’s utterly obvious – that pro- and pretend-not-pro- football is a religion in America. The thick description here, as Clifford Geertz would put it, is that of multiple temple cults where worship of naughty haughty Player Gods means full submission to them. Full legal, financial, academic, physical and sexual submission. THERE IS BUT ONE GOD AND HIS NAME IS RICHIE INCOGNITO. We love steroidal fucks like Richie and want them to do whatever they want with us. They beat the shit out of our students, rape them, whatever, and the president of our university pleads Give them another chance! This is our holiest of mystery sects, full of blood and sex and brain spatter, and it all plays out, of all places, on our university campuses.

Among the many blessings of big time university sports is that it prostitutes your students.

You know this. I mean, yes, a few campuses, like the University of Louisville, outsource to local professionals; but it’s more common for campuses to establish so-called hostess programs, in which twenty year old female students… entertain… eighteen-year-old recruits. Taking one for the team.

Now Deadspin is sending a shout-out to all university hostesses, asking them to get in touch because, you know, Baylor and all. (Says here “Baylor coaches encouraged members of Baylor’s hostess group to engage in sexual acts with players and recruits.”) Should be interesting.

The sports and leisure sewer of the American collegiate landscape …

… as UD calls Auburn University, now congratulates itself – well, a local journo congratulates it – on having avoided hiring the Beastly Briles Boys.

UD loves that. Auburn is – has long been – arguably the dirtiest sports program in the United States. (Put Auburn in my search engine if you dare.) And now it’s Oh look we kept our hands clean and didn’t hire rape-enablers! Aren’t we pretty!

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