UNC Scandal Too Intellectual

The “everybody does it” sentiment is so widely held when it comes to academic fraud and big-time college athletics that it’s almost impossible for any individual instance to shock or even register with the national public anymore. It doesn’t matter that UNC athletes received a collective GPA of 3.61 in their “paper” classes and a 1.91 in their “real” ones; this isn’t the type of cheating that grabs attention these days. Show us some money changing hands or a star player getting caught stealing something funny from an easily mockable location. Give us something we can turn into a joke that will make our co-workers laugh.

Eventually this country will begin ranking colleges exclusively in terms of how academic their sports scandals are. The more scholarly content in the scandal, the higher the college’s academic rating.

La Kid…

aniahalloween

… Halloween.

‘The brothel attempted to conceal its activities by functioning under the guise of a “foot massage department.”‘

I think that was its mistake right there. The name gave too much away. Better choice: Complementary and Alternative Medicine.

I mean, after all…

… FAMU is like any other American university.

[A lawyer for the defense in the Florida A&M marching band hazing/manslaughter trial noted that] students at the University of Florida have organized “Tough Mudder” teams for a competition so demanding and hazardous that participants are required to sign a “death waiver.” He also noted that University of Central Florida students have volunteered to compete in the “Warrior Dash,” an obstacle race that includes a crawl through a tent known as the “Poop House.”

“Six University of Cincinnati Football Players Have Been Arrested in Just…

two months.”

Look sharp, lads! At schools like yours, the two-month number is usually closer to ten.

“Three Morgantown police cruisers, two fire marshal’s office vehicles, one fire engine, three university patrol cars, a county patrol car and a Westover police patrol car were damaged by rocks, beer bottles and construction debris…”

When there’s a university in your midst, it so heightens the tone.

The Morgantown Police Dept. ordered equipment and supplies officers would need to better control a crowd or riot in the future. The inventory, which totals $28,209.13, includes riots shields, smoke rounds, pepper spray cans and pepper balls, gas masks and equipment needed to release pepper balls into a crowd.

Who came up with the idea putting the word “University” together with “West Virginia” in the first place?

Ungood and Distrue.

At the two minute mark on Weekend Update, University of North Carolina students defend themselves.

“The Don Sterlings of Academicians”

Al Sharpton on the people who run the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill.

He’s got a point. Sports/money types exploiting black athletes.

Rehoboth Beach Halloween Dog Parade Instablogging…

… from UD on a spectacular sunny afternoon by the Atlantic. She’s sitting on the front deck of her hotel, awaiting, with a large crowd, the start of the parade. There are already plenty of costumed dogs to be seen parading the boardwalk in all the familiar getups: bumblebee, convict, butterfly, cheerleader, superhero, ballerina, pirate, princess, skeleton, witch, hotdog, hamburger.

*******************

Distant music.

It’s windy, clear.

“Here it comes!”

Saints Come Marching In –
marching band.

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Huge numbers of apparently happy
costumed dogs marching down the
boardwalk. As always, UD
is amazed at the polite long-suffering
dogs and the proud owners.

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(UD thanks her sister
for taking the pictures.)

*******************

UD got up insanely early this morning to walk the beach while the evening sky transformed to pastel. The scenery people sent three container ships to glide bejeweled along the horizon so that UD could enjoy maximum-picturesque.

Gradually, behind a low bank of black/gray clouds, the orange disk emerged. Foreground: Black shadowy gulls.

‘Dramatic art professor Bobbi Owen is the only person facing disciplinary action [for the University of North Carolina bogus courses scandal] who has tenure. Owen was senior associate dean for undergraduate education in the College of Arts and Sciences from 2005 to 2014. According to Wainstein’s report, she asked Nyang’oro to cut back the volume of his independent studies. Despite being aware of issues, Owen apparently did not mention them to “anybody above her in the administration,” the report said.’

Owen needs to explain more than her failure to mention to anyone a grotesque situation in the AFAM department. In response to a “Board of Governors member who asked [Owen in 2012] if the academic support staff was steering athletes to particular classes,” she responded:

“I hope not. I believe that they understand their responsibility to support the student and to help them make wise choices, but it is not in their purview to direct students to particular courses.”

However – given the fact that she’s been disciplined – she probably knew perfectly well that that’s exactly what was happening: Academic support staff were steering athletes to bogus classes.

Then there’s Owen’s remarkable lack of curiosity.

[Owen] learned roughly nine years ago that the department was offering far more independent studies than it could manage, and told [head of AFAM chair Julius] Nyang’oro to reduce them, the report said. But she never investigated why there were so many in the first place.

Yes, Julius, how about bringing them down from 150 to, say, 100? That would be more seemly…

It all makes UD nostalgic for Thomas Petee, chair of Auburn University’s “dumping ground for athletes,” aka the sociology department. Petee, like Nyang’oro, worked his balls off, typically taking on dozens and dozens of independent study students a semester.

Indeed, keep in mind, if you want to create a dumping ground for athletes in your university, that these guys – Petee and Nyang’oro – were both department chairs. That’s important. For bogus course schemes to work at maximum efficiency at sports factories like Auburn and Chapel Hill you really need a department chair to run them, because chairs have more institutional power than regular faculty, and because regular faculty in totally deeply corrupt departments can be counted on to keep their traps shut. They don’t want to piss off the chair, who must be hugely powerful – untouchable – if he’s able to get away with what he’s been getting away with for decades.

It’s obviously icing on the cake if you’ve got a dean in on it too.

Rehoboth Beach on Halloween…

… is about happy costumed
dogs and happy costumed
owners smiling in the sand
under the late October sun.

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It was warm enough today
to go in the ocean.

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“And now she’s in me, always with me, tiny camera in my hand…”

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only I and I can see you
When I say softly slowly

Bring her closer tiny camera
Count the ladies in the mikvah
Name their names in sheets of linen
I had a busy day today

Constant, and even inconstant, UD readers must know by now that…

UD spends her Halloween weekends in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, whose Sea Witch Festival appeals to her. She’s leaving ‘thesda now in order to get there in time for Bagpipes on the Beach. There’s also the Dog Parade, bonfires, etc., etc.

She will of course blog from there like a bat out of hell.

“But the real reason I’ll be cheering is because, at a certain level, I’ll have done what you need to do to be a college sports fan these days: adopt the mentality of a 7-year-old—blissfully unaware of the rot that exists just beyond the field of play.”

Lord help me I know I shouldn’t watch these poor fuckers on the field but I can’t help it. Dear God…

Yet another anguished confession from a guy announcing his impending self-lobotomy in preparation for the University of North Carolina’s next basketball game.

UD has been collecting such confessions. There are so many. I know I have to be a moral degenerate and a cretin to watch these university-sponsored events, but sweet Jesus I cannot stop myself. Pretty much every guy with a keyboard is acknowledging to the world the failure of his efforts to rebuke the satanic rot of big-time university football and basketball.

I-have-sinned-wise, the industry standard is of course Brother Jimmy, whose weakness was the ladies. But Satan’s as hard at work on the basketball court as he is in the house of ill-repute, and UD is disappointed to see so many men give up the fight for their souls before it’s really gotten started.

The Warwick English Blues

Almost Hear You Sigh

I can almost hear you sigh
I can feel your nego vibes
Yeah Professor Pain-in-Ass
Gotta speak sarcastic sass

I wanna live without you
Want my old life to go on
I’m feeling sorry for myself
Can’t wait til you are gone

You acted all ironic
Your body was sardonic
You had a cold look in your eyes

I can almost hear you sigh
I can hear your ironeye*
I wanna live without you
Wanna make you go away
Gonna keep you from the students
With your naughty naughty ways

———————————-

* irony (obs.)

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