Who knew? UD took her eye off the University of Louisville, so….

… she didn’t know exactly what big ol’ scandal they were up to now… But their recent hiring of the University of North Carolina’s finest stonewaller, Leslie Strohm, turns out to have something to do with their attempting to keep the results of an audit of the “KFC YUM!” arena (UD is not making this stuff up) out of the hands of the state attorney general.

He has explained to the university that it’s in violation of open records laws, but the university (which no doubt has excellent reasons to stonewall on this) continues to withhold the document. And who better to help them do this than the pride of Chapel Hill, Stonewall Strohm herself?

A sample of local press coverage.

That’s called earning the “U of Smell” nickname. This hiring stinks.

And so now here, with the University under fire for not turning over documents related to an internal audit of potential misdoing (on a number of issues, including The Yum Center), the school has hired someone who is alleged to be adept at covering up wrongdoing.

“Bring Out Your Dead!”

Or your dead drunk. It’s getting positively Monty Python at the amazing fraternities of the University of Arizona Tucson.

The Delta Tau Delta fraternity is also under investigation. Its most recent alleged conduct violation was in October. An officer with the University of Arizona Police Department said they were called to the fraternity house because of a fight.

Once at the house, police said they spotted an “unconscious female just inside the Delta Tau Delta house” that needed to be evaluated.

According to documents, when officers tried to check on her, “…people in the house attempted to carry her further inside the house, while ignoring the officers commands to let them inside to check on her well-being.”

Says here that “Since the start of this semester, 11 fraternities and sororities have been put on interim suspensions at the University of Arizona.”

UA is trying to reduce the number of student riots that tear the local community to shreds. They think if they keep pestering the frats, they will somehow decide to stop doing the only thing they do, the thing that defines them: Get violently drunk.

One of the frats is moving toward more targeted violence, rounding up a bunch of members and, apparently while shouting anti-semitic epithets, attacking an apartment in which Jewish students lived.

As one student interviewed about fraternities on campus says, “I’m not trying to join a gang.” But plenty of other students are, and the administration of the University of Arizona (a “business model” party school) now has a major problem on its hands. If you really shut the fraternities, your applications tank as students decide to attend distillery schools, of which there are plenty. If you don’t shut the fraternities, you’re looking at gang warfare.

Your Daily Giggle

In yet another study, the Berkeley researchers invited a cross section of the population into their lab and marched them through a series of tasks. Upon leaving the laboratory testing room the subjects passed a big jar of candy. The richer the person, the more likely he was to reach in and take candy from the jar — and ignore the big sign on the jar that said the candy was for the children who passed through the department

“Never inside, I didn’t lie in my heart!”

Blanche DuBois’ desperate response to Mitch’s inquiry as to her self-representation in A Streetcar Named Desire is pretty much the last button the caught-red-handed plagiarist can push. After you’ve failed to blame it on vague and treasonous “assistants,” or on your drug addiction, or overwork, or an obscure psychological condition, you may simply find yourself where the head of the school of journalism at Sciences Po, no less, finds herself. I “forgot to mention certain papers, but never voluntarily,” said Agnes Chauveau, but here she’s up against the fact that few human acts are more voluntary than plagiarism – especially the career plagiarism that has apparently been uncovered in her case.

Another “business model” party school…

…. (background on the party school business model here) pushes West Virginia University out of the headlines with its own student drinker in critical condition this morning.

SUNY Albany! Who can be surprised? One of our most notorious sicko campuses, with a French Revolution-worthy history of riot and carnage.

Thank God these sorts of things don’t go on in our high school and college…


Lucky Louisville!

As UD explained here, one of America’s most ghastly jockshops, the University of Louisville, has scored quite the td in recruiting one of the architects of Chapel Hill’s undoing.

Here is one of her valedictories as she leaves UNC. It appears in UNC’s newspaper, The Daily Tar Heel:


It is good news that Leslie Strohm is leaving her position as UNC Vice Chancellor and General Counsel.

I had strongly recommended to the administrative review committee that her contract not be renewed, following [ex-chancellor] Holden Thorp’s unfortunate resignation. I stated that “she is incompetent, dishonest and unethical.”

Her stonewalling on releasing records about the athletics scandal has only made things worse; with better advice, Holden Thorp might still be here.

Elliot M. Cramer

Professor Emeritus of Psychology

Do keep in mind, in case UD has not said it explicitly enough, that UL’s motive in hiring her is almost certainly her protect-the-dirty-sports-program-at-all-costs M.O.

Can’t keep in mind the details of each and every dirty sports program? Type UNIVERSITY LOUISVILLE into my search engine.

But just to whet your appetite: Here’s a sample.

Snapshots from Home

An interview with UD‘s cousin-in-law,
currently performing as
Alfred P. Doolittle.

UD‘s cousin is
in the same show, as
Mrs Pearce, the housekeeper.


‘Michigan Arrests Under Hoke VS OSU Arrests Under Meyer’

The University of Michigan. Like the University of North Carolina, a real university. Not like those other places.

Life of the Mind, United States of America.

[Florida State University president] John Thrasher — a career politician who is now the chief decision-maker at the nation’s most disliked football-playing university — [grabbed] his coach in a very giddy, very public embrace.

Earlier, Thrasher had released a statement blasting The New York Times for a report Friday describing how two starters on the Florida State defense ran from the scene of a late-night car accident in October and were given what seemed to be preferential treatment by Tallahassee police officers.

It was merely the latest in a long string of headlines that has brought endless cynicism about the kind of operation Florida State has been running off the field while beating everybody on it for now 26 straight games.

But here at Sun Life Stadium, moments after No. 2 Florida State finished off yet another comeback to beat Miami 30-26, you could at least envision why people like Thrasher and Fisher may be able to rationalize all the enabling and justifying of behavior other schools at least pretend to care about.

The harder the nation roots for Florida State to fall, the more self-fulfilling life becomes in the Tallahassee bubble. The Seminoles aren’t running from their identity as escape artists; in fact, they’re practically scripting it before it ever happens.

‘The story quotes TPD Police Chief Michael DeLeo as saying the department would conduct an investigation to determine what happened. But Officer Dave Northway said the department was ‘‘not conducting an internal investigation at this time.’’’

Front page coverage in the New York Times ain’t chopped liver, even if you live in backwater Tallahassee and really personally couldn’t give a shit. There’s your life as a well-paid security guy at endless violent Florida State University official and unofficial events (plus your life as a city cop), and there’s everything else Out There in the land of haughty elites who don’t get football.

But it’s not just the latest front page thing. Last month they did another long front page thing. Hell, back in April they did a big ol’ Sunday Magazine article with a pretty picture and all…

Until a couple days ago, we didn’t stoop so low as to even answer any of this slander, but now word’s gone out that we gotta say or do something.

As the statement in this post’s headline suggests, we haven’t quite worked out what plays we’re gonna call… There’s the conduct an internal investigation play and there’s the do not conduct an internal investigation play and we’re still working that one out amongst ourselves…


Over at the university seems like they’re also moving away from the stonewalling strategy, since, you know, when the New York Times does a big wee-wee on you, every other news outlet in the country (plus we’re starting to get international coverage) has to whip theirs out too. FSU’s new president, who’s a veteran local politician so you know he can handle it when our ways of doing things down here get unwelcome attention from the elites (His only loss to them so far is when they ganged up on his pet project of establishing a school of chiropractic medicine at FSU.), has sent a more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger letter to the FSU community:

Four experienced law enforcement officers were on site and none saw any indication of the driver being under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The implication that anyone involved in the accident had anything to do with a burglary is totally unsupported and offensive. Finally, there is no indication of any special treatment of the student-athletes by the officers involved.

Alcohol, drugs, burglary, special treatment… There’s a lot the president had to cover in this letter, and I like the way he tucked it all in to one paragraph down toward the bottom… I also like the way the phrase hit-and-run did not appear in the letter…

I think if we can keep muddying the waters (yes/no to internal investigation) and if FSU can keep the denials coming, we should be able to weather this.


Only thing I’m worried about: What if the New York Times decides to investigate the courses the guys have been taking?

Typical Midterm…


By the way: If you’re worried about what’s going to replace one professor teaching 150 independent studies every semester…

… as your university’s faculty continues to game the athlete-eligibility system (The Tragic Fates of Petee and Boxill are possibly staying your jockshop’s hand of late), do not worry. Do not waste one sporty moment worrying that a rich enterprising country like yours will be at a loss to fashion new forms of system-gaming in order to keep the quarterback on the field 24/7.

In fact, La Nouvelle Vague is already firmly in place… It’s been there, really, all the time! Like that scene at the end of The Wizard of Oz when Glinda tells Dorothy “You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.” Ever since universities discovered online courses, the eligibility problem has been solved. You yourself might have taken one or two of these in college – to pass that pesky statistics requirement without learning statistics, for instance… Some anonymous grad student drudge (or the drudge’s designated-drudge – there’s of course no way to know who’s actually giving and who’s actually taking an online course) cluttered your computer screen with messages for a few weeks, and you (or your friend who knows statistics) wrote back, and then you passed statistics.

Because online courses are profitable (you can enroll zillions of students at a time and pay the drudge or whoever doodoo), most American universities are as we speak enlarging their offerings like mad. No one’s going to notice the athlete-component of this vast enterprise.

Online is in every way a cleaner solution than independent study. There’s absolutely no messy wasteful human interaction with online, whereas under the ancien régime, Julius Nyang’oro had to meet the athletes and frat guys at least once, if only to inform them they’d never see him again. Nor is there, with online, any noticeable record of your having done the humanly impossible – conducted in one semester three traditional classroom courses plus 150 independent studies. (Petee’s downfall came when one of his colleagues for some reason got wind of his teaching schedule and found it… odd enough to report him.) With online, you can have 5,000 students in five classes and no one will look at you twice. Everyone understands that responsibility for online classes at the American university is far too diffuse and complex (tons of people have a hand in any online course: there’s the instructor, the instructor’s assistants, the on-campus tech group, the for-profit company overseeing implementation and management features, university administrators doing various forms of surveillance, etc., etc.) for anyone to understand what’s going on. Online courses have evolved to the point where they run themselves. They’re animated templates, perpetuum mobiles whose first note merely needs to be struck in order for the whole thing to beautifully play itself out.

The President of Florida State University Defends His Player Against the New York Times.

The perfectly named Mr Thrasher
Thrashed this way and that at a basher.
“Yes, P.J. hit and ran.
But when he left his van
He moved like a hundred-yard dasher!”

See, the problem for Florida State University (and for a lot of other jockshops)…

… is that the attention of the first-string press (to put this in terms that people at FSU might be able to understand) has now decisively been drawn to all of this nation’s jockshops. The heavy hitters (still trying to keep this comprehensible to the folks down there) of American journalism, the elite squad of long-form writing — they’ve all assumed a very tight huddle right on top of schools like Florida State, and they’re peering intently down at them.

What you have to understand is that backwaters like FSU traditionally get covered only by the local booster wins-and-losses press. If anything having to do with their corruption manages to get published, it’s going to be written up by the local cynical wags as the big ol’ joke corruption is in Florida. Think Carl Hiaasen. That’s the prose model.

But now you’ve got these guys in New York takin a fine-tooth comb to the way we been doin things down these parts for a long time. Take for instance this paragraph in a New York Times article one of UD’s readers, John, just sent her:

The Tallahassee police said officers have discretion in deciding when to press charges and issue citations. They provided The Times with seven other cases in which someone hit a car and left the scene but were not charged with hit and run. A review of those cases, however, found that none was comparable in severity or circumstances to the Oct. 5 crash. Four involved cars bumping into each other in parking lots, one caused no damage at all, and the other two were very minor; in no case did a driver abandon a wrecked vehicle in the middle of the night and flee the scene after totaling someone else’s car. Notably, most of the seven crash reports contained far more narrative detail about what happened than the report on the Oct. 5 accident.

That pesky Oct. 5 accident! Happened to involve some of our Most Valuable Players, sure, and, sure, they fled the scene, but no one was hurt and, you know, they’re just kids. Yes, yes, driving on a suspended license, overdue fees from an earlier speeding ticket, whatever. Who said it’s any of your business?


UPDATE: Don’t wanna say I told you so about ol’ FSU, but a reader sends me the response of the FSU fans to the New York Times article.

Before I tell you what they did, recall the reaction of Penn State fans to the Sandusky scandal. Do you remember? When Penn State finally fired the man who helped make it possible for Jerry Sandusky to do what he did for so long, the fans rioted. As Gawker put it in a headline: Thousands of Students Riot Over Firing of Child Rapist’s Protector.

FSU fans launched a Twitter block. They flagged the article as spam. They made it so you can’t read it.

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