Trashy Panama Beach, the very reddest part of the Redneck Riviera (‘Panama City Beach makes tailgating at a NASCAR infield appear hoity-toity.‘), is among the last truly gun-friendly spring break locations. While other once-popular killing fields, tired of blasting blood off main street, have launched police-state measures that make you think twice before mustering your M16, PCB, a short drive from supergangbanger Dothan AL, screams go ahead and unload ra cheah. Trash bars, hotels, and stores; gun-love; and a police force that doesn’t give a shit — it all adds up to the best spring break of your life uh ah mean death and yall come on down.

UD predicts PCB’s about to dump its police chief, who’s fucking up the fun, calling the gangbangers “stupid,” and naming/shaming town ultratrash spots (Hammerhead Fred’s) designed to make fifteen year olds with .950 JDJ Fat Macs feel at home. He’s, like, against all this, which will make the local merchants extremely angry, and they will demand his ouster.

UD calls Wyoming The Amy Winehouse State. Dark. Dark. The darkest. HALF in love with easeful Death? You don’t know the half of it.

State Song:

O dark dark dark. They all go into the dark,
The vacant interstellar spaces, the vacant into the vacant,
The captains, merchant bankers, eminent men of letters,
The generous patrons of art, the statesmen and the rulers,
Distinguished civil servants, chairmen of many committees,
Industrial lords and petty contractors, all go into the dark,
And dark the Sun and Moon, and the Almanach de Gotha
And the Stock Exchange Gazette, the Directory of Directors,
And cold the sense and lost the motive of action.
And we all go with them, into the silent funeral,
Nobody’s funeral, for there is no one to bury.

GO WYOMING!

Tarrant: Where even the judges brandish firearms! At court!

A neutral palette (grays, whites) makes the eye-popping yellow coverlet and its rich array of guns really stand out in this East Harlem bedroom. “They’re there during the day to make a statement,” says the owner of the apartment; “obviously, at night, I put them in my safe, unless I plan to be out using them.” The new Unsecured Firearms aesthetic has taken America by storm, and interior designers are rushing to be part of the movement. “The days of the good ol’ boy in rural Texas hanging the odd hunting rifle on the wall above the fireplace are over,” says Reka Farkash, principal at Farkash Armamental Designs. Farkash is known for her so-called AK Circles, where she stages a gun-owners’ AK47s in a rough circular pattern on dining tables and other surfaces.

However you arrange it, the point is to take the gun out of hiding and make it a prominent part of domestic American space.

This is the fourth shooting [by a 15 to 17 year old] to happen on the Coronado Mall premises over the last year, explains an Albuquerque reporter; and it’s just a wee snapshot of the state with the nation’s highest crime rate.

No surprise, then, that New Mexico’s governor yesterday called in the national guard. Parts of Albuquerque are the wild west, and the gunslingers are fifteen years old.

Dude can’t help himself, and things get worse for him; but as long as he can play at a high level, things won’t get too bad.

Unlike his surly fictional precursor, he seems to have come from a stable loving middle-class sort of background; but he also seems mentally unstable, and guns/defiance look to be a crucial part of his shaky self-care.

Beyond all this, there’s his hugely powerful symbolic resonance in the gunsickest country in the world. Ja Morant is America’s gunsickness right out there on the world’s biggest screen for all the world to see. Look out, world, here we come!

… for public schools to use in issuing statements to parents when – as so often happens – students are found on campus with loaded guns. Either you call the weapon an “inappropriate item,” or you gesture vaguely in the direction of “police activity.”

Fort Worth ISD sent … a letter … to parents, reading in part, “our campus was briefly placed on lockdown due to police activity near the school.” The letter did not mention why there was police activity or explain that there were guns recovered. 

Three guns, from three tykes.

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UD proposes further euphemisms:

Extremely short words that have other meanings: GAT. ROD.

Extremely obscure words no one will recognize: HARQUEBUS. CULVERIN.

What’s shocking is that 18 year old cutoff age. It seems unfair and arbitrary, in a country where millions of 15-17 year olds currently buy/carry/trade/threaten with/injure with/kill with guns, to suddenly disenfranchise this large group of citizens. In the present American context, an 18 year old with a gun is a seasoned marksman. It’s absurd to think of disarming 18-20 year olds.

The Milwaukee public school system comes up with a new phrase for “loaded gun.”

A family member known to be mentally ill goes out of control and is desperately handed off by his father to his mother — WITH FOUR WEAPONS ON HIM INCLUDING AN AK47.

“[E]very country contains mentally ill and potentially violent people. Only America arms them,” writes Adam Gopnik. And man this story out of Maine makes that pretty graphic, don’t it. Son killed his mother in the car, then exited and took up a position along the road and starting shooting at passing vehicles. Killed one person and badly injured two before he decided it was time to kill himself. (With the AK47. That’s gotta hurt.)

Shades of Adam Lanza’s mother, who believed giving her violently insane son lots of guns would be therapeutic.

You kinda wonder under what conditions these people would call the police. Or an ambulance. If he had twelve guns on him? Body armor? IEDs?

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What is with these people? Gotta be a death wish.

And meanwhile, civilizationally, it’s really not a good look. “Not even the most primitive of societies can compete now with our new predictable savagery.”

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“This is something that you don’t see very often, even though we saw it in Bowdoin not too long ago,” said a police spokesperson. LOLOL.

Yes. Tennessee made it real easy.

Its greatest fame is the 2012 theater shooting; but in smaller ways it keeps its hand in the gun massacre game, as in the mother who puts a loaded weapon in her elementary school-aged child’s backpack.

[T]he child was showing the gun to classmates when another student notified an adult… Aurora officials announced the 39-year-old mother of the student, later identified as Zoe Cherelle Cantrelle, was issued a summons for child abuse and failing to safely secure a firearm. Both are misdemeanors.

Pretty little street of half million dollar houses in Tacoma, Wash., including a senior living village! Sweet how old and young (one of the dead was sixteen) meet on this all-American bullet-riddled court. “Several shell casings are scattered throughout the street and two weapons have been located.” In the autumn, scattered leaves; in the spring, scattered casings…

And Granny just stumbled over an AK47!

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — A 27-year-old man repeatedly discharged a gun on a residential street in his home community of Charleston, authorities allege.

Nicholas Scozzari was arrested three days after the episode, which lasted about a half hour starting around 4:15 a.m. on March 9 in the vicinity of his home on Sonia Court near Bloomingdale Road, according to the criminal complaint and police.

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Oh, what a beautiful mornin!

… police department?

Good ol’ Jackson.