No, said Mr UD. “Not irony. You leave the world in the place that meant most to you…”
UD quoted the statement in my title about irony to Mr UD as he ate breakfast.
It’s from a blog written by someone who knew Nora Miller, a Wesleyan student who a few days ago immolated herself on the university running field. Miller was a massively award-winning track star, first at Stanford, and then at Wesleyan, where she majored in film.
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Like many suicides among the intense and intensely promising, this one was as expressive as it was enigmatic. It meant, it meant, it meant. It meant like hell. But what did it mean?
A student writes in the Wesleyan campus paper:
Self-immolation is not a quiet act of suicide; it is clearly an intentional statement. I understand that the University had to respect the parent’s wishes to keep details about Nora and her death private, but when a suicide occurs in such a public way on campus property, it is the student body’s right to be able to mourn [publicly] and to be given time to process and think about what has happened.
It bothers this writer that Wesleyan hasn’t said and done more about the event; she suggests that a day be set aside for campus reflection. In this, she registers the staggering impact of the gesture. More should be made of it…
[A] status update on a Facebook account under Miller’s name read, “when there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire,” a lyric from a track by the band Stars.
Which made UD think of Cocteau’s famous answer.
Someone once asked Jean Cocteau, “Suppose your house were on fire and you could remove only one thing. What would you take?”
Cocteau considered, then said, “I would take the fire.”
There’s the swift intensity of life; there’s life burnt out.
I encountered the Cocteau story in Malcolm Lowry’s Under the Volcano, a novel about our subterranean fires.
February 7th, 2012 at 2:00PM
[…] who shot himself in the head in the middle of Harvard Yard a few years ago, on a busy morning. Or Nora Miller, who, on another busy morning, immolated herself on the Wesleyan University running field where she […]
September 29th, 2012 at 12:25PM
[…] University of Montana’s outstanding athlete in 1975″ killed himself on that campus. Nora Miller, a Wesleyan track star, killed herself on the […]
May 21st, 2024 at 12:20AM
God Bless Nora’s soul, she is so brave and was in such tremendous pain. I believe in reincarnation and God and above all the Holy Spirit. May she and all that love her recognize her voice is not lost. She was obviously brilliant and brave. Sometimes intelligence and bravery unnoticed can cause loneliness.
May her family know Nora is love. I became very upset after that morning and through no one individual’s fault many in the community felt deep pain. I personally brushed off the pain at the sequential moment in time, never having met Nora personally.
I am a Wesleyan alumna. I believe I was on the track team at the time of Nora’s death in Middletown. Or trying to get back on. I never understood why I was not allowed back on tbh, another story. I never saw the fire although I did see the police cars. I was on my way to do the aqua jogging.
My entire Wesleyan education was a never ending trauma experience. I left a repeat rape victim, on many psychiatric medications, and I actually stopped learning around the time of Nora’s death. I drank my way through rest of Wesleyan.
It’s now over ten years later and this year in the depths of my own suicidal ideation, that morning the lack of humanity and compassion I experienced as a bypasser began to hit me harder. And the Wesleyan community offered no support. When I was “sad” it was time for more Prozac, you know? I actually even ended up meeting a man who dated Nora named J who was handsome and super cool Middletown resident. He loved Nora deeply and was impacted by the incident.
Let us be the voice of those who are resisting the experience of being alive. I never met Nora. She went to Stanford, which is no lie a much better school than Wesleyan especially if she was a track star. I am a pretty good distance runner myself, and runners have a high tolerance for pain and extreme bravery. Now when I run on the beach in Los Angeles I imagine if I run as fast as the speed of light time will stand still and we can feel the pain of beautiful minds and souls like Nora who deserve to have their voice heard. God sees everything and wants us to heal pain like this – no one is alone and Nora, God bless her soul.
May 21st, 2024 at 5:07PM
I was remembering Nora this week. Surprised to see a new entry as well..
Nora had something to say. I wonder what started her fire. To feel that silenced and compelled to leave in a spiritually artistic static way ? She had quite a bit to say. I’ve come to understand how being forced into silence and compliance causes my body to want to scream out louder. We didn’t start the fire. That I know for sure.
I hope your message found their way into the world to hearts with ears still human enough to stop and listen.
You left an impression upon my life beyond mere words not allowed to be spoken.