Don’t be pretty much nobody smarter than a University of Florida Gators fan.

I mean no surprise there …it’s a university and all!

Gators fans spend loads – not just hundreds on each season ticket, but thousands on something UF calls a “contribution” before they even get the right to pay for one of the state’s most prized commodities: admission to a Gators football game …

Did I say admission? Hell, any jerk can get admission. These thousand dollar babies admit you not only to a guaranteed air-conditioned lounge but to a pre-game buffet!

******************************

Hey but what’s this? You say the Gators eat shit this year and some dummies are dropping their season deal? Leaving precious commodity gaps all over the stadium? Nobody wants to see a three thousand dollar seat sitting empty! What does that say about fan loyalty? How does it make the loyal fan in the next seat, who’s out tens of thousands of dollars for a privilege few people seem to want, feel?

It’s kind of lose/lose when you think about it. Figure you’ve spent all that cash and grazed the pre-game buff and inhaled the lounge … figure you’ve even gotten drunk as a skunk.

Now everything’s set for the big payoff… what we lady folk call The Big O — a winning game! Only it don’t happen. What happens is that the other team wins.

Well don’t you feel like a chump. All that money just to pig out, get drunk, access air conditioning, and watch your guys lose. You get up from that thousand dollar seat unsteadily, and you drive home pissed every which way.

The other lose part of the lose/lose thing I’m suggesting here is that you go to the next game and you set yourself down in your thousand dollar seat and the guy next to you spends the whole game telling you how much less he paid for the seat than you did ’cause UF is so desperate it’s practically giving them away. Plus the team loses again. Haw!