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Death, be not proud

Back in 2007, on the advice of [T. Boone] Pickens, the [Oklahoma State University] Cowboys athletic department purchased policies for 27 of their very biggest fans. Most were donors and season ticket holders, and all were over the age of 65. Upon an insured donor’s death, Lincoln Financial would pay out $10 million to the sole beneficiary, the OSU athletic department. It was called the “Gift of a Lifetime” program, and it was a wager, like all life insurance, but presumably the actuarial tables were in the university’s favor.

Then, no one died.

… OSU sued Lincoln Financial, trying to recover their premiums… Last week, a federal judge in Dallas dismissed [that, and Lincoln’s countersuit], leaving Oklahoma State on the hook for that $33 mil, and forcing them to pay court costs…

OSU, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor OSU, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From Boone, whom all thy godhead be,
Much money; then from Him much more must flow,
And soon’st our best men die, He vow,
Rest of their bones, and team’s delivery.

Their livingness doth make you desperate men,
Who with death-lust and lawsuits dwell;
No charm sends donors down to hell
Nor gives them heart attack or stroke; why swell’st thou then?
One litigation past, you pay out millions,
And still death hies! OSU, thou shalt die.

********************************

UD thanks Dave.

Margaret Soltan, March 21, 2012 7:08AM
Posted in: poem, sport

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5 Responses to “Death, be not proud”

  1. theprofessor Says:
    March 21st, 2012 at 8:32AM

    The joke around here is that when a heavy hitter puts Gilligan into his will, it adds 15 years to his life expectancy.

  2. david foster Says:
    March 21st, 2012 at 9:01AM

    Does OSU perchance have a Finance department? A Statistics department or area of concentration within Mathematics? Did they ask any of the profs in these departments for their evaluation of the proposed deal?

  3. Michael Tinkler Says:
    March 21st, 2012 at 11:12AM

    That is one of your most hilarious reworkings yet!

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:
    March 21st, 2012 at 11:32AM

    Thank you, Michael.

  5. University Diaries » “It appears that paying players will be the least of Oklahoma State’s problems. Part 2, out on SI.com tomorrow, will detail academic fraud, including tutors and other Oklahoma State personnel doing work for players, and Says:
    September 10th, 2013 at 4:24PM

    […] enjoyed, over the years, following good ol’ T. Boone’s beloved Oklahoma State University (and – if you […]

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