A Tennessee boy with a butt
Has thus far refused to say what
Substance or dose
He somehow osmosed
Has so oddly distended his gut.
**********************
Update: Dave, a reader, writes a limerick in response to the student’s explanation that he can’t have buttchugged because God doesn’t want him to desecrate his body. That way. Putting enough alcohol in it to kill it – however it went up or down – is another matter.
God says you can’t drink with your butt
And it’s not ours to ask “why?” or “what?”
It’s like non-cloven hooves,
Or getting tattoos,
Or leaving your penis uncut.
October 5th, 2012 at 12:57PM
I’m glad I clicked through–otherwise I’d never have learned that God prohibits butt-chugging but not blackout binges. I feel the muse taking over . . .
God says you can’t drink with your butt
And it’s not ours to ask “why?” or “what?”
It’s like non-cloven hooves,
Or getting tattoos,
Or leaving your penis uncut.
October 5th, 2012 at 1:07PM
Once again, UD fans MUST click through to the original story:
The dean, police, and DA are mad
That we partook in this butt-drinking fad,
But we cherish each rectum
And try hard to protect ’em.
The contusion’s a wedgie gone bad.
October 5th, 2012 at 1:11PM
To butt-chug, first stock up on towels
For the drinker quite often befouls
All standing around
And a large patch of ground
When the vodka comes in through the bowels.
October 5th, 2012 at 1:17PM
This one’s a little forced, but YOU try coming up with a decent rhyme for “sodomy.”
I find rye whiskey bottles in front of me
Slightly better than frontal lobotomy
But drinking’s passé–
I’m not wizened and gray–
For nothing beats ethanol sodomy.
October 5th, 2012 at 1:20PM
You’re on a tear (ouch) Dave – I’ll bring the first one forward in the post, since I too wondered about that part of the student’s explanation: He can’t have buttchugged because he’s a Christian and God doesn’t want him to desecrate his body. That way.
October 5th, 2012 at 1:37PM
We must never fear whiskey on beer.
And beer on whiskey is risky, I fear.
But if bourbon and stout
Come in the door “out”
Proper order is then much less clear.
October 6th, 2012 at 2:09PM
Our mutual friend would have enjoyed the limericks – he was quite a fan of the genre.
October 6th, 2012 at 4:17PM
janet: His would have been MUCH dirtier.
October 7th, 2012 at 3:39AM
His limericks would have indeed been more lubricious, but I miss them, just as I miss him.