… (see the post directly below this one), its highest-profile honorary degree recipient, its 2010 commencement speaker, has been running one hell of a public relations campaign. Ask me anything! Ask my bank anything!
These are some of the tweets J.P. Morgan received (before hurriedly shutting the account):
“What’s your favorite type of whale? #AskJPM,” said The Atlantic’s Matt O’Brien.
“Is your “Chief Compliance Officer” alive? Has anyone checked to see if he’s in his office? #AskJPM,” said Salon’s David Dayen.
“Does Jamie Dimon pet a small cat and laugh ominously while he’s ruining poor people’s lives? #AskJPM,” said blogger Tim Donovan.
Did you have a specific number of people’s lives you needed to ruin before you considered your business model a success?
If it came out Jamie Dimon had a propensity for eating Irish children, would you fire him? What if he’s still “a good earner”?
Is it the ability to throw anyone out of their home that drives you, or just the satisfaction that you know you COULD do it?
How many homeless people did you create in ’08?
Will the firm explore new markets, like selling candy-backed securities to babies w/o disclosing the lack of chocolate in the bonds?
Did you not realize that The Smartest Guys In The Room was a cautionary tale, not a blueprint for mass theft?
Sure. There’s more.
Quick! You’re in a room with no key, a chair, two paper clips, and a lightbulb. How do you defraud investors?
Sorry we ruined your hashtag event, if you could just apologise for your plunder of the global economy, I think we’d be even.
Given the # of reg violations + scale of fines paid across the bank, please explain why the board hasn’t been replaced by livestock?
What’s it like working with Mexican drug cartels? Do they tip?
How do you decide who to foreclose on? Darts or a computer program?
As a young sociopath, how can I succeed in finance?
And:
why did u think this would be a good idea
November 14th, 2013 at 3:10PM
So Twitter is good for something after all!
November 14th, 2013 at 3:21PM
Vox Twitteri.