Here at University Diaries, we’re following one of many stories involving teeny weeny middle school and high school students accumulating massive arsenals and tipping off school buddies that they plan to massacre everyone in the place. The buddies then tip off the principal, who tips off the police, who visit the babe’s home and find … you know … standard boy stuff…

In a sea of teenagers stockpiling weaponry with which to kill everyone at their school, this guy stands out for the sheer depth and range of his armory, apparently maintained with the happy collusion (encouragement?) of his parents in Taiwan and his host mother here. (His host mother, knowing the police were on their way, took the kid’s weaponry out of the house and gave it to a friend so she could lie and say the kid didn’t have weaponry. The police eventually found it anyway.)

All the major networks are featuring the kid and his famous parents (they’re actors in Taiwan), and Homeland Security is on the scene, reading all of his electronic devices. But hey. His parents have issued a request that we all respect their privacy as they go through the process of watching the American justice system put their kid away for years, onaccounta making terroristic threats and holding – hiding – mucho illegal weaponry is for some reason lately around here a very big deal.

Here’s why we should all stop talking about this: The folks have explained that it was all a linguistic misunderstanding – their kid said something, I guess, to his friend, but due to the language barrier an unfortunate misunderstanding ensued. Even if, haha, he did say something about killing everyone in his school, he was just kidding. Not only that, but all the personal armor in the kid’s stash was bought exclusively for Halloween. So keep your trap shut.