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Here’s his hero page!

And it’s Texas A&M, arguably the country’s most pornographic football school, so you know that however many other people Myles Garrett beats the shit out of on national tv, the page will stay up…

UD loves the way everybody’s all ooh I’m shocked that a football game would produce a brawl and the brawl would produce an assault… And when the hero of Texas A&M, now a professional player, gets no jail time and a three-day suspension, are you still gonna be shocked? No, because your initial shock will give way to appreciation of the sincere and heartfelt violence of the people you love to watch splitting heads on the gridiron. These dudes mean it!

Says on Garrett’s Texas A&M page that he “regularly speaks to young people at various schools around the local community,” and I’m wondering what he said. If anybody annoys you, I want you to pull off their helmet and use it as a weapon to smash their head.

But look. I mean, A&M. A player arrest rate that will make your smashed head swim. Johnny Manziel’s enabler through his long alcoholic history there. Zaycoven Henderson! Rick Perry was a cheerleader (not kidding).


Garrett [already] had to fight the perception he was a dirty player after multiple penalties in Week 2 against the New York Jets, including one roughing the passer hit that broke Jets quarterback Trevor Siemian’s ankle. He was not suspended for that, however.

Now, when he kills someone… then his hero page will come down.


Margaret Soltan, November 15, 2019 7:14AM
Posted in: sport

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5 Responses to “Here’s his hero page!”

  1. JND Says:

    “Garrett is pursuing his undergraduate degree in university studies”

    Somehow, this doesn’t surprise me.

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    JND: Shockingly, I don’t think he graduated.

  3. Van L. Hayhow Says:

    Garrett was suspended for the rest of the year. Color me shocked.

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Van: Three letters: PAP.

    1 Petition: Already out there and gaining thousands of signatures.

    2 Appeal: He has already submitted one.

    3 Presidential Pardon: Trump has long complained about the decrease of violence in the current game (NASCAR fans are abandoning NASCAR for the same reason). I think if he tweeted in defense of Garrett it would help his case immeasurably.

  5. theprofessor Says:

    Ah, yes. University Studies. Back in the day, this was a parking place for morons they anticipated would never be able to hack tough majors like sports studies, sports management, or sports communication. I’m not sure that anyone actually graduated with it here, though. It was purely to allow them to use all of their eligibility. It was buried deep in the recesses of the catalog to prevent non-sports slackers from doing it. I think that they have changed the name to leadership studies or something like that.

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