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“I have friends who have smart sons with great marks, great boards, great everything and they can’t get into Harvard,” Trump said. “We don’t know a thing about this guy. There are a lot of questions that are unanswered about our president.”

Well at least – thanks to Mary Trump’s forthcoming book – we now know how Donald Trump got into an Ivy League school.

As a high school student in Queens, Ms. Trump writes, Donald Trump paid someone to take a precollegiate test, the SAT, on his behalf. The high score the proxy earned for him, Ms. Trump adds, helped the young Mr. Trump to later gain admittance as an undergraduate to the University of Pennsylvania’s prestigious Wharton business school.

A couple of things will follow from this Least Surprising Revelation of the Decade:

Uncle Don will tweet that Mary is a fucking piece of shit cunt whore piece of shit. He will then have Kayleigh McEnany announce that “the president was unable to take the SAT due to a disabling bone spur.”

U Penn will take a good hard look at the accolades it has bestowed upon its highest profile grad (“[Trump was] appointed to Wharton’s Board of Overseers in 1987, and the following year appeared in a video promoting the business school. Trump received an award from Wharton in the fall of 2014, just eight months before announcing his candidacy, and the most favorable recent mention of him as an alum comes in Wharton’s list of “125 Influential People and Ideas” from 2012.”). It will cross itself with relief and self-congratulation that it never gave him an honorary degree (Lehigh University however…), and it will announce that it’s opening an investigation into Trump’s degree. With an eye toward rescinding it. I mean, Varsity Blues is one thing…

Oh, and Jared… You’re up…

Oh! And in about a half hour, the Lincoln Project will release a new thigh-slapper.

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5 Responses to ““I heard [Obama] was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then to Harvard?” Trump said in [2011] interview with The Associated Press. “I’m thinking about it, I’m certainly looking into it. Let him show his records.””

  1. Ravi Narasimhan Says:

    Ethan Canin: ‘The Palace Thief’

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Yes; and also Senator Bluto Blutarsky.

  3. Ravi Narasimhan Says:

    …”Of course, it makes no difference in the course of history that as I tried to hold up the coat Sedgewick Bell moved swiftly across the podium, took it from my grip, and raised my arm high in his own, and that this pose, of all things, sent the miners into jubilation; it makes no difference that by the time I spoke, he had gestured with his hand so that one of his aides had already shut off my microphone. For one does not alter history without conviction. It is enough to know that I did speak, and certainly a consolation that Sedgewick Bell realized, finally, that I would.

    He won that election not in small part because he managed
    to convince those miners that he was one of them. They were
    ignorant people, and I cannot blame them for taking to the
    shrewdly populist rhetoric of the man.”…

  4. theprofessor Says:

    Dear little Mary has now started the Walkback Waffle: oh, not that Joe Shapiro, you know the Joe Shapiro that Trump actually knew and conveniently is dead…it was another Joe Shapiro. Who will be equally conveniently dead. The same dear little Mary who said Trump attended high school in Queens…which he didn’t. Who knew that Christopher Steele had an American girlfriend?

  5. Margaret Soltan Says:

    tp: And my complaint about Mary is that she’s a psychologist who does a particularly insipid number on a man who really doesn’t need yet one more cheesy diagnosis. No messenger is perfect – doesn’t mean she’s telling lies.

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