University Diaries » ‘Because gambling is not featured on school tours or in university brochures, parents may not know their children are enrolled in colleges where [student] gambling is encouraged through free bets, loyalty programs and bonuses.’

FROM: SpartanFans! Graphics, Lansing

TO: MSU Publications, Trey Nowak, Head, Pub Office

SUBJ: 2023-24 University Brochure

Hey Trey hope you’re having a great day. With this email, SF!G is excited to present our revision/addition to MSU’s student recruitment brochure.

With the university’s recent push to get students to gamble, we brainstormed how we can exploit this new initiative, which promises to be very attractive to impulse-challenged teenagers across the country. Since MSU is one of America’s few fully-operational student-driven gambling businesses, we need to seize control of this market while we continue to enjoy a dominant position.

This is why we recommend the following image for the cover of the new brochure, with the accompanying copy:

MICHIGAN STATE: IT’S SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST LATE NIGHTS.

To anticipate your comment: No, he’s not holding a cigarette. We can easily add this, probably in front of the whiskey glass (once you decide which distillery you’d like to feature, among those with whom MSU partners, let us know and we’ll add a bottle with the relevant label). We also plan to edit in a large fraternity ring on his hand – probably the notorious Delta Kappa Epsilon haha! (Is it still under suspension?)

I don’t think we want to mess with the nice simple clarity of this image more than that (aside from, obviously, taking the gray out of the guy’s hair and thickening/tousling it a bit), but let us know if any other images (the muzzle of a gun between his fingers, in the context of gambling, would be an intriguing reminder of Stephen Paddock; but would it look too… suicidal?) seem attractive to you.

As always, we look forward to working closely as we optimize MSU’s advantages in the student-recruitment market.

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Notes of a Neophyte

Stephen Karlson Says:
November 21st, 2022 at 10:57AM

Those view books are notorious, and a few years ago Keene State’s Craig Brandon (who you commented on in your Inside Higher Ed column) called attention to their content as a marker of what he called “subprime party schools.” If the only pictures you see of classes in session are those taking place outside, for instance, and less frequent than candids at game day, you’re probably dealing with such a school.

Unfortunately, as we’re seeing, frats, football, and gambling might be fertile ground for intoxication, and death, and then there’s Idaho (frats) and Virginia (football)?

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