October 22nd, 2019
Harold Bloom is Giggling in His Grave.

His student, Naomi Wolf, who tried to get major mileage out of claiming Bloom sexually aggressed against her, has been writing really bullshitty books for decades, as UD’s new heroine, New York Times reviewer Parul Seghal, notes. And finally one of them has been pulped.

Wolf is the left’s Donald Trump – a veteran flim-flammer, with his patented brew of insolence, narcissism, self-pity, and mendacity. Moi, I doubt Wolf even penned her last book – the pulped one – because its childish ignorance is the sort of thing you get when you assign the actual research and writing to some hastily assembled slave class and then slap your name on it without bothering to read what they came up with.

October 22nd, 2019
“If you’re an athletic director and a president and a board of trustees, you’ve got to think long and hard before you pull the trigger in this day and time on some of these buyouts … Because it doesn’t sink in too well with people on campus, your professors, different colleges.”

Oh, but who cares. It’s Auburn.

October 22nd, 2019
Limerick.

The way-Catholic Cardinal Ritter
Is standing knee-deep in the shitter.
But what can they do?
That fucking tattoo.
At least you can't call the team quitters.


October 21st, 2019
The Miyamura High School’s Winning Football Strategy: The “Put the Coach in Jail” Play.

[A] cellphone video, shot by [a player], … allegedly showed [Coach John] Roanhaus walking in the locker room and taking two $20 bills from a black wallet before stuffing that cash into his sock, according to an arrest warrant.

For weeks, players had been mysteriously losing cash from their wallets… It had gotten so bad that players had been suspecting each other of the thefts and Roanhaus claimed to be a victim too, parents said.

Roanhaus had even made players run extra laps at practice as punishment for one of them allegedly stealing, the parents told KOB.

****************

Miyamura High School’s football team has won just twice in nine games this season — though the Patriots did win their first game after Roanhaus’ arrest.

October 21st, 2019
‘On the Supreme Court, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito, two associate justices in their mid-70s at the time of Trump’s second inaugural, opt for retirement rather than risk being replaced by a Democratic president after 2025. Meanwhile, the two remaining Bill Clinton-appointed justices, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer, maximize their cardiovascular workouts and adopt strict Mediterranean diets.’

If Trubu wins in 2020.

October 20th, 2019
She had herself an Adam Lanza, but couldn’t be bothered to lock up her boyfriend’s many guns.

But she was his mother, so we can’t charge her with anything! I mean, after all, her son simply shot out the school’s door, exchanged gunfire with police, and then killed himself. He didn’t kill all his classmates, which was his intention…

Hey wait. Lookee here.

The felony charges against [Mary] York relate in part to [her boyfriend’s] gun-storage locker located in her basement. It was easily breached by [her son], nearly allowing the massacre to occur.

Maybe things are actually changing. She’s been charged with six felonies. Good. Now we’ll see if a jury has the sense to send her to jail. If American gunnies want to have a zillion weapons in circulation, they’re going to have to accept the consequences.

October 20th, 2019
“Hey it’s gonna be US government property soon. And it’s just sitting there.”

Having dropped the idea of using his Florida resort for the G7 summit, the president has now proposed Jeffrey Epstein’s Manhattan townhouse. “It’s enormous. It’s beautifully furnished, I can tell you. It’s a stately, storied, residence. Central location! Whaddaya want?” he tweeted.

October 19th, 2019
Sentences that Make UD Laugh

His plan was to grind up squid sex organs and squirt them into the water to get squids to mate with the camera lens.

October 19th, 2019
Saturday, Chez UD.

Big trees, little house: After years of ignoring them, Les UDs are finally having three immense trees taken down. We’ve watched our neighbors get hammered in various storms; our jokes about our impending death-by-tree have become threadbare. Time to part with the big bucks and end this.

When you inhale out there, the air is very wood-chippy.

The thud of falling limbs repeats.

Tree guys are chain smokers. Big cigs hang out of their mouths while they work.

October 19th, 2019
Cult Pushes; Culture Pushes Back.

England, Australia, and America’s fight against female genital mutilation is, er, cutting-edge civilizational work. All three nations are fighting the good fight against this appalling and popular practice, and I gotta tell you. It ain’t easy. Here in America we’ve got brilliant baby-cutting defenders like Alan Dershowitz enduring very bad publicity to advise our own homegrown, Johns Hopkins educated (!) cutters on how to avoid prosecution. England is also having a devil of a time prosecuting mothers who abuse their little girls in this profound and repulsive way. But, like Australia, both countries are getting there.

Indeed, the latest Australian case is instructive. All of these court systems need to keep in mind that the mothers are going to lie through their teeth. I didn’t do it what are you taking about I’m a simple ignorant woman this is all over my head it didn’t happen my daughters are making it up someone else must have oh their clitoral hoods are missing wherever can they be I know they’re around here somewhere… A Somalian mother of two daughters took them to her home country to have some mindless stone-wielding person destroy them for life; when she got back she was arrested for “removing a child from the state for female genital mutilation.”

Having traumatized the girls for good by hacking off their genitalia, their mother destroyed them again by coaching them to lie in court and deny what they told social workers – that they were brutally hacked at in Somalia, with their mother standing next to them. Um, oh no, we just made it up cuz a stepsister gave us money to lie…?

The stepsister in question denied she asked the girls to lie to police or that she bribed them.

She maintained she had tipped off Child Safety services after learning of the mutilation seven months later, when the family returned to Australia.

I gotta tell you. Everyone deserves a defense in a court of law. I know, I know. But you’ve really gotta be desperate for money, or as …….. (you choose the adjective) as Dershowitz to defend people like this.

The mother was convicted.

October 17th, 2019
Bad, bad, little boys! Put your heads down and shut up while I prepare the country…

…for President Warren.

October 17th, 2019
Tea is always on the verge of making it really big in America.

UD is a tea freak (as faithful readers of her blog know), so she’s stood around watching for decades as people predict this country’s Big Tea Breakthrough. Here’s the latest on that, from a writer who went to a tea convention.

…The tech and gaming worlds have embraced tea as both a nerdy cool hobby and a type of a natural wonder drug to help with focus whilst on all-night coding/gaming soirees, and that has created a marketplace for a certain type of high-end buyer who didn’t exist before…

[At the convention,] I had tea made from the avocado leaves, and adaptogenic teas (“Big with endurance athletes!”) that contained CBD and turmeric, and white champagne raspberry tea, and a Belgium lemongrass chai tea and Kenyan purple tea, and red rooibos tea, and Lapsang Souchong black tea and Darjeeling black tea and Assam black tea and Ceylon black tea and moringa tea and Sri Lankan mango iced tea and “Got Nitro” iced tea slush, and something called “duck shit fragrance oolong,” which is a real thing. I had Psychic Teaz from a man named Dr. Brains (a name Oprah gave him, FYI) who used to travel with the Grateful Dead and other musicians in the ’70s to help them maintain their health while on long tours, and Lover Tea from Vietnam with a college-aged translator who told me it grows in craters made during American bombing missions during the Vietnam War, and Matcha Kaori tea blended with what looked like a shaving cream brush by Japanese tea farmer Kunikazu Mochitani…

Tea is the perfect cultural drink for right now. It has such a big tent — you can like it for the caffeine kick, or the rituals, or the scientific experiments in brewing time and temperature, or the cool hobbyist gear, or the Eastern religious undertones, or the dietary benefits, or matcha’s Instagram friendly coloring. You can like it because it separates you out, or pulls you into a new community, because it makes you feel simultaneously like an outsider and an insider. 

UD has sequential tea enthusiasms. Right now she’s mad for this, which as you can see she buys in bulk (through Amazon).

Makes excellent hot or iced tea (UD overwhelmingly drinks hot).

October 17th, 2019
And, if you act now, I’ll throw in TWO twenty percent off discount coupons for High Holiday services 2020 at the synagogue of your choice!

The spiritual leader of the ultra-Orthodox Shas party, Rabbi Shalom Cohen, has promised Yisrael Beytenu leader Avigdor Liberman and Blue and White co-chairman Yair Lapid the afterlife if they join a coalition with the ultra-Orthodox parties.

… “Liberman and Lapid, know that I do not hate anyone,” said [Shalom] Cohen at a ‘greet your rabbi’ event held by Shas in Jerusalem on Tuesday night. “I welcome everyone with love. I am certain that you did not intend to anger God, just the politicians, and the proof is that you have not been given the ability to form an evil government. I say here to Lapid and Liberman: if you now join a government with the ultra-Orthodox , you will merit a divine voice that will come forth [from Heaven] and declare ‘Liberman and Lapid are invited to the world to come.’”

October 16th, 2019
Hey! Y’all come down now, y’hear?

In her testimony, [Fiona] Hill described her fears that Mr. Sondland represented a counterintelligence risk because his actions made him vulnerable to foreign governments who could exploit his inexperience. She said Mr. Sondland extensively used a personal cellphone for official diplomatic business and repeatedly told foreign officials they were welcome to come to the White House whenever they liked.

Ms. Hill said that his invitations, which were highly unusual and not communicated to others at the White House, prompted one instance in which Romanian officials arrived at the White House without appointments, citing Mr. Sondland.

October 16th, 2019
America’s Favorite Appliance. And Child-Safe!

Once, I led a few special agents to retrieve several firearms from a local Philadelphia resident. We found one loaded firearm being used as a doorstop in his house. On another occasion, the resident had loaded firearms in every room and on almost every flat surface. Given the recent news stories of infants shooting mothers, themselves or other children, it’s clear that “common sense” laws must prevail.

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