Enter, peons, and creatively write! First, though, sign this contract acknowledging my Singular Creative Writing Greatness and your willingness to flunk my course if you deviate AT ALL from my commandments, to which you sign your name! I and I alone will tell you how to creatively write, for there is only one way, and that is the way of The Great And Powerful Salesses!

NONONONO. THAT is not the way to pass anti-suicide legislation in a state ALL of whose values are screamingly suicide-friendly. Why do you think Wyoming’s suicide rate is – by a wide margin – the highest in the nation? Why do you think some self-slaughtering Wyoming counties, their rates way higher than the rest of the state, are strewn with freshly-shot dead white male? Our Wyoming values are guns guns guns (the more guns you got, the more suicides you got), anti-therapy macho stoicism, alcoholism, driving your car like a bat outta hell and eventually right over a cliff, hatred of rules (like securing your guns), divorce, loneliness and long distances. Perfect toxic brew, but we’re Wyoming dammit and we wouldn’t have it any other way! No way any legislation’s gonna pass. Some American state has to stand for Amy Winehouse-style life-affirmation, and – haha! – I guess that’s us. Leemealone w/ my… uh… guns and booze fuck you I’ll do what I want and I spect my state rep to vote my way on this… BANG I’M DEAD.

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‘Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo.) lost her primary — was that because Wyoming didn’t approve of her anti-Trumpism, or because she didn’t hold pre-announced campaign events because she faced so many threats?’

The Great State of Wyoming: If We Don’t Kill Ourselves, You Better Bet We’ll Kill YOU! You want Wyoming values? Here you go. We’re an officially violent state baby, so stand back and let us kill and be killed.

State Flag, Wyoming:

David Crosby, Guinnevere.

They don’t really mean we have psychotics who mass murder. We do indeed have these; but other countries do too. UD thinks that what distinguishes the United States is that we have violent people running many of our institutions. We have violent local governments; we have violent school boards.

Let’s not talk about our obscenely violent last president and his barbarians. That’s too easy. Let’s move further down.

Very few countries on earth produce people like Chesa Boudin.

Very few produce people like George Parker, a school superintendent who packs his schools with kiddie psychopaths.

Sure, when six year olds take out their loaded guns in class and expertly shoot their teachers in the chest, George figures he’s gonna have to handle a certain amount of incoming. Like Boudin, he will explain – but not in so many words! – to parents and teachers and kids that some population is going to have to be the sacrificial location where okay a few parents and teachers and kids will be killed but it’s in the service of helping the unfortunate among us and I mean did you know that very few homeless schizophrenics (see Boudin) and psychotic six year olds who live in houses with unsecured guns are homicidal? RELAX. I mean, do the numbers. It’s not gonna happen every day that these people attack your children and their teachers. Y’all are probably gonna be okay. And even if they do attack …

During a three-hour school board meeting dedicated solely to public comment, Newport News teachers and parents said students who assaulted classmates and staff were routinely allowed to stay in the classroom with few consequences. They said the shooting of Abigail Zwerner could have been prevented if not for a toxic environment in which teachers’ concerns are systemically ignored.

“Every day in every one of our schools, teachers, students and other staff members are being hurt,” high school librarian Nicole Cooke told the board. “Every day, they’re hit. They’re bitten. They’re beaten. And they’re allowed to stay so that our [enrollment] numbers look good.”

They’re running some of our schools and local governments. In response, “Many parents are propelled into politics through service on school boards after seeing the [violent] state of their kids’ schools.”

Letting dangerous people deteriorate on the streets and in our schools is not a policy. It’s a nihilism, a degeneracy. A mental violence. You either replace these people and these structures or you run as far away as possible.

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The choices our government makes affect our kids, taxes, schools, roads and lives. They are in the hands of the people we elect — but who we pick is constrained by those willing to run. Our democracy is dodging bullets [released by threatening, violent, gun-obsessed people running in and winning American elections]. We will not be able to do so forever.

Bang.

Qatargate is about socialism, not Italians. It’s not as if Italy is particularly corrupt!

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UPDATE: From a Politico essay by Jacopo Barigazzi.

Qatargate … has a distinctly Italian flavor…

But don’t worry. They’re working on it. Soon Israel won’t have a courts system, and all will be well.

Fine upstanding Mormon man is praised to the skies in his obituary, which fails to mention he shot his entire large extended family to death. He had quite the history of family abuse, too, but none of his Mormon associates seems to have cared enough to protect anyone in the monster’s home. Maybe they figure that’s how you deal with domestic conflict. Let God sort it out or whatever.

Know hope.

… via a hijabi who took offense at an image of Muhammed shown in the classroom. The professor was immediately fired; the school is now, in its public comments, backtracking like a bat outa hell but it’s too late. They won’t have to pay the prof (who is, correctly, suing) as much as Oberlin had to pay that bakery, but the same cretinous reflexive bullshit did in both schools and as Joan Baez plaintively asked so many years ago when will they ever learn?

‘Lisa had to do this procedure over and over because of her drug relapses … doing this program, so she’ll magically not want to do drugs anymore. If Elvis was alive, he would never, ever have let his daughter endure torturous purification rundowns, sending her to ethics, handing out morality punishments. And all the stuff she endured for 35 years, the absolute Scientology indoctrination, leading nowhere, with no result. … Scientology got tons of money out of her. Scientology touts itself as making you this high ethical spirit – you’re more aware, you have more morals, you have more ethics, you’re practically a Superman, you’re more healthy. Well, she died a drug addict after being in Scientology 35 years.’

When you’re born deep within a confederacy of mercenary dunces, you don’t have a chance in hell. Not a chance in hell.

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Randy Newman wrote her In Memoriam:

Close your eyes now, little girl
They don’t want to hear you cryin’
You never had a chance
You never had a chance

It’s a great, big dirty world
If they say it’s not they’re lyin’
Sandman’s coming soon
You know he’s coming soon

Close your eyes and dream a little dream for you and me
Dream yourself a place where you can go
Baby, you never know

Close your eyes now, little girl
Go to sleep my little baby
Sandman’s coming soon
You know he’s coming soon

Paul Auster describes the photographs – showing the sites of many mass killings in America – in his book, Bloodbath America.

Take a bow, Bryan! You really know how to pick ’em! Darius Miles is so hot he’s got the whole campus running to get out of his way!

Look at those Alabama students run!

LOL.

The trend of hookah bars down south featuring mass shootings with AK-47s is hotting up SO much that there’s now a new designation for the shooter venues: They are Hookah Bazookas, bars that can’t promise opportunities to use your weapons, but can certainly be said to have set up optimal conditions for armed street battle.

In order to get the designation, hookah lounges must be able to show that at least one mass shootout – with fatalities – has occurred in or near their property. Kulture Hookah, Melody Hookah, Hooka Lounge, and now Lounge 33 (scroll down) – all can boast mass death via massive firearms as part of the fun; these and several others are America’s Hookah Bazookas.

Where can you find them? Like I said, it’s ALL down south: Texas, Louisiana, West Virginia, Virginia. Folks at Lounge 33 are pretty fucking excited to join the Hookah Bazooka list, having lit up the streets of Houston with fifty – count ’em, 50! – ratatats from AK-47s last night.

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To be fair, a search of Hookah Club Shooting turns up locations across the great US of A.

Idaho Republican Apologizes for Comparing Women to Farm Animals