From Harvard the gift of the Niall
Approaches with crocodile smile.
To contemplate him
Is to think of the hymn:
“And only the human is vile.”

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Update: A British reader corrects my pronunciation of Niall (should sound like neel). All I can say in my own defense is that I had an Irish boyfriend once who pronounced it nile. (At least that’s how I recall it – it’s been a long time.) I’m also rebuked here:

Niall pronounce Nile is an Anglification of the name and it takes the heritage out of the name

Gevalt. Excuse me.

To play for Wisconsin’s Coach Wardle
Is to bear a Shakespearean fardel.
For his temper’s quite short
When he’s out on the court.
So be sure that you’re well-stocked with Nardil.

An orthodox rabbi named Broyde
Has created an internet droid.
The job of ‘Goldwasser’
Is to kiss Broyde’s asser
So that Broyde may most fully love Broyde.

He’s a professor at Emory law school.

The drunks at H-S and Ole Miss
Went out late to take a group piss.
“The libs and the fairies
Have all gone for Barry.
What the hell kind of country is this?”

A Tennessee boy with a butt
Has thus far refused to say what
Substance or dose
He somehow osmosed
Has so oddly distended his gut.

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Update: Dave, a reader, writes a limerick in response to the student’s explanation that he can’t have buttchugged because God doesn’t want him to desecrate his body. That way. Putting enough alcohol in it to kill it – however it went up or down – is another matter.

God says you can’t drink with your butt
And it’s not ours to ask “why?” or “what?”
It’s like non-cloven hooves,
Or getting tattoos,
Or leaving your penis uncut.

It would be GREAT for limericks. And I (and many UD readers) love to write limericks.

Mitt Romney thinks David Petraeus
Might be his ex machina deus
But his choice of vp
Seems so nutty to me
That I’m sitting here scratching my payos.

Behind Joe Paterno’s ex-halo
There hangs a remarkable tale-o.
Of grooming and showers
And absolute powers…
But better to draw here a veil-o.

Librarian down here at Shorter
Thought thoughts that he shouldna oughter.
That man done got caught
In the sin of free thought!
Lord, we kicked out the godless cavorter.

Notre Dame’s Most Revered Father Jenky
Made its faculty members quite crenky:
“This embarrassing shmoe
Called the Prez Uncle Joe.
We are going give him a spenky.”

The doctor in charge at Sloan-Kettering
Found his previous gig somewhat fettering.
“That job at U Penn?
This is now; that was then.
I’m simply engaged in self-bettering.”

Who knows how much of it had to do with efforts to protect the reputation of a storied sports program?

Whatever the motives, Penn State’s athletic director and vice president for finance will turn themselves in to the authorities on Monday. Both are charged with perjury and failure to report in a sex scandal involving the football team’s former defensive coordinator.

For fifteen years, Jerry Sandusky was a “a sexual predator who used his position within the university and community to repeatedly prey on young boys.” The charge is that the other men knew about it but did nothing, and then lied about their knowledge of it to a grand jury. Did they protect Sandusky because he was “closely identified with the school’s reputation as a defensive powerhouse and a program that produced top-quality linebackers”?

*************************
UD thanks David.

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UPDATE: “We all make little mistakes in our lives.”

Title of Sandusky’s autobiography: Touched.

**************************

The legend of Penn State’s Sandusky
Is beginning to smell rather musky.
Their glorious coach
Is a bit of a roach.
Not to mention a bit of a putzsky.

A Dutchman named Diederik Stapel
Was asked why his life took a topple.
“You could say, if you want,
That my work’s vol met stront.
(In English, that’s all full of crapel.”).”

**************************************
UD thanks Jeremy for updates on this story.

A group of the chronic fatigued
Have whipped up a bit of intrigue:
“If you’re otherwise skilled
You will have to be killed.
Researchers must stay in our league.”

A colleague of UD‘s named Turley
Wants one boy to have many girlies.
“My thing on polygamy
Makes UD quite sick of me,
And even my wife has turned surly.”

Response to the Disciplinary Committee

Say Biederman, Wilens, and Spencer:
“Ah hell, we just do what we can, sir.
You can’t avoid sleaze
When you’ve got our disease:
The absence of all moral sensors.”

*******************************

(UD thanks B. for the link.)

*******************************

Update:

“You could have made more nice statements about the drug.’’

More on the culture of academic psychiatry in the United States.

********************************

Lest we forget.

… Biederman is a leading proponent of the off-label use of antipsychotic drugs to treat bipolar illness in children. His work is widely seen as contributing to an explosive growth in such prescriptions, and much of his support came from companies that benefited from his research.