“Hardy … likes to hit women,” but much more importantly he likes to hit quarterbacks. So despite all the battered girlfriend pictures that have just been released, he’ll not only continue to play for the Cowboys, he’ll continue to be a university’s poster boy for great sportsmanship. That Ole Miss bio page will stay up forever, just the way the pride of the University of Nebraska, Richie Incognito, will remain on their website. Richie likes to hit everything.
(Hardy’s also got a huge personal arsenal.)
[At Bethune Cookman University’s] homecoming game, [Senior Associate AD Tony] O’Neal approached officers in his golf cart near the south gate entrance, yelling at them to help with parking tickets. Authorities said a sergeant approached O’Neal to find out what he needed and that’s when the arrest report showed O’Neal became irate and “jumped out of the golf cart, ran up to the Sergeant Morford and banged his forehead against his,” according to a report.
The sergeant backed away from O’Neal but police said he became more irate and “reached out and grabbed the Sergeant Morford with both hands in an aggressive manner, pushing Sergeant Morford backwards.”
Authorities said they were forced to take O’Neal to the ground after refusing to comply with their commands. O’Neal … was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer…
No wonder he gets pretty much the highest salary on campus.
Rick Pitino’s recruitment practices: A gift that keeps on giving.
Well, yes. We all do.
The Bible thing allows you to differentiate between West Virginia University, where locals call Morgantown “a drinking town with a football problem,” and Baylor, which seems to have low rates of alcohol consumption, but shares UWV’s burning commitment to recruiting the best players regardless of, er, violent propensities.
At both schools there’s an unsettling conflation of football and the school’s spirit of choice (alcohol, God). And at both schools, whether they regard their players as Christian Soldiers or Frat Boys on Steroids, violence appears to be totally okay.
Goes without saying that guns and gangs (Baylor’s home, Waco, is in the headlines for biker/police shoot-outs) make up much of the rest of the social fabric at these locations.
****************************
And don’t forget sex. Nobody competes with the University of Montana and Grizzlyville (used to be Missoula, but the football team is the Grizzlies) for broad-shouldered sexual assault. But Baylor’s in there trying.
****************************
Anyone with the intestinal fortitude to examine the deep structure of Baylor – as in, how do you actually produce places like Baylor and Waco? – will tend to gravitate toward the school’s board of trustees, where a Bobby Lowder-like figure name of Buddy Jones seems to run the school and the town.
Buddy’s real enthusiastic about Baylor. Back in 2012, when they won a few games and all, his response was this:
“We like to use biblical analogies, and this is a year of biblical proportions,” Buddy Jones, a regent at the university, told the New York Times in 2012. “As we would say in Christendom, it’s like an early rapture.”
When his vision of the proper role of the booster was threatened by the alumni association, Jones (then chairman of the board of trustees) wrote to a fellow zealot that he couldn’t wait to
put on camp (sic) and load my weapons and go hunting for BAA game. Licking my chops.
Buddy’s official trustee statement has a rapturous boy/girl thing going to explain the nature of the school:
“Baylor’s uniqueness is her commitment to quality higher education by adapting to the 21st century, while never straying from her deep roots in God’s word and her role in his plan for mankind.”
Was Buddy the genius behind the groom’s cake at his daughter’s wedding?
[The cake was] an edible replica of Baylor’s … new stadium with a saluting bear in the middle. But perhaps the most impressive part of the cake is the video screen, which looks like it actually works. At the very least, it had a light in it that gave the illusion of working.
********************
So much of this comes together this Saturday night, when a match-up between two of the nation’s scummiest football schools – LSU and Bama – will feature a political candidate’s prostitutes and patriots ad. Layers upon layers upon layers.
A regent here, an athletic director there, has hold of the reality of the University of Hawaii football program.
The University of Hawaii Athletics Department’s budget, which is projected to lose as much as $3 million in [2014], may not be big enough to support a Division I program, a member of the university’s Board of Regents said Thursday.
****************
The University of Hawaii’s football program may shut down as a result of tough financial conditions, athletic director Ben Jay said at a [2014] Board of Regents meeting Monday afternoon.
The AD was fired (at UH, they’re always getting fired) not long after he said this, and we haven’t heard a peep out of the trustee since he uttered those discouraging words.
Got to keep up the fantasy, even as UH’s last game (58-7 home loss) was played in a close to empty stadium and has issued in the expensive firing of yet another coach (at UH, they’re always getting fired).
Got to build a new stadium.
The university [recently] unveiled … renderings of a proposed 30,000-seat multi-purpose stadium to be built at an unnamed site at an estimated cost of $165 million and $190 million.
With the latest loss and the latest firing, UH’s football program, argues one observer, has hit “truly rock bottom.” But UH’s ability to dig deeper into deficit and depravity every year (watch that new stadium project take off) tells us that there are still plenty of moveable rocks above the bottom. UH can dig much, much farther before it actually encounters the abyss.
If, in the world of university football, one can even talk of an abyss.
One of their players was just jailed for domestic violence; another is out with a concussion. After the worst loss in the school’s history a few days ago (58-0), the school fired the football coach. Virtually no one attended that game, so UM has to figure out how to get someone – anyone – to buy a UM football ticket.
Plus they’ve now got to pay the coach his no doubt enormous buyout.
And meanwhile they don’t have a coach.
Why, asks this writer, is Temple University going to be the next school to screw itself over but good by building a new football stadium? Why? And why does no one ever ask why?
The question that we never seem to ask is why… What we won’t ask, what we never ask, is why a college such as Temple University – or any college, really – should care [so much about things like football and football stadiums]. We won’t ask how a Top 25 ranking or a visit from ESPN helps fulfill the mission of an institution of higher learning, or why such an institution should spend any of its resources pursuing them, particularly when those resources are financed in large part by taxpayer and student debt.
Take, for instance, the University of Akron’s stadium, “a $55 million project that would be funded exclusively by private donations and stadium revenues. When it hosted its first game in 2009, it was a $62 million project funded primarily by student tuition and fees… [This] year [Akron’s deeply indebted stadium] is attracting the lowest attendance in the MAC.”
David Murphy provides other examples. There are many.
**************
But okay. Let’s go there. Why? Big stadiums and big football programs have nothing to do with (indeed they erode) the academic mission which defines a university, and they will almost certainly do terrible damage to everyone at the school (via deficits and scandals) except for the athletic department and whatever trustees own companies doing sports-related business with the university.
Some people will claim that the mystery of the new stadium is essentially a religious mystery, having to do with the “unchurched” American’s evolution away from houses of worship and toward football fields.
Clemson University coach Dabo Swinney is aggressively Christian, even letting one of his players get baptized on the 50-yard-line during practice, never mind that Clemson is a state school.
A Georgia public school is looking into a mass baptism on its football field that was posted on YouTube but later taken down.
If your font is a fifty yard line, you’re stadium-building on faith, not reason. The economics of New Life Stadium are simple: The Lord will provide.
But there’s more to the stadium mystery, I think.
UD suggests that at some universities it’s a combination of not being able to think of anything else to do, plus sexual fantasy. The two things are related, because when people don’t have much to do, when their lives seem kind of drifty and pointless and empty, they’re liable to do a lot of fantasizing.
I think some leaders of universities – presidents, trustees – don’t know what to do with themselves. A very high-profile professor, a leader, at the University of North Carolina spends years negotiating pretend grades for pretend student papers and thinks nothing of committing the grade-haggling to writing in an email. What was Jan Boxill thinking? asks the Chronicle of Higher Ed. The answer is absolutely nothing, just like her colleague Julius Nyang’oro; they were just sort of drifting along, lost in erotic reverie about their beautiful athletes for whom they would do anything, including destroy themselves and their university. An assistant coach at the University of Louisville comes up with the idea of turning an athletes’ dorm into a brothel. Why? Popped into his head one day during a sexual reverie. Popped into his head while he was thinking hard about how to make his beautiful athletes’ lives even more beautiful.
****************
You have to have a high threshold of embarrassment to read people describe their feelings about football.
I loved football. I loved it desperately. Even now, four decades later, I remember endlessly damning myself for being too small to play it at a big-time college. I ached for it, for the violence of it…
Look at the shirtless boys with faces and torsos painted in the school colors; look at the cheerleaders on the fields, the ‘waves’ surging through the stands.
These men, either of whom could have written “Jane Austen and the Masturbating Girl,” represent countless sports-factory denizens spending their days in a haze of university-hatred and hormones.
Is hatred too strong? What sort of emotion allows you to seek and destroy any vestige of intellectual seriousness?
*******************
One key here is hiring retired politicians as university presidents, good old boys who don’t give a shit about “academia,” whatever that is. The sort of men currently running, for instance, Florida State and Oklahoma University.
[The university’s academic unit can go, but] the football team must be saved because the intense tribal loyalty generated by big-time sports is one of the chief mechanisms employed by universities to create the illusion that they exist. I’ve lived in Chapel Hill and experienced the closest thing to full-scale Dionysian revelry one is likely to find in modern America, on Franklin Street after the men’s basketball team won it all. It was thrilling. It felt like we were one people, all of us, conquerors. But it was also an illusion (I wasn’t a student at the time), a false consciousness manufactured by the university to conceal its non-existence as an academic institution.
*************
Listen to this song. It also asks why. Listen to its lyrics, and imagine them sung by a university president as he or she thinks about one of the school’s football players. You just tiptoe into all my dreams…. It’s the kind of passion that will not be denied, no matter how many hearts are broken.
*************
UD thanks Ian.
Christine Brennan, bless her, is an evolutionist. She thinks that if someone tried introducing football to America now, an America that has progressed significantly since the late nineteenth century, we’d all in unison say no.
For instance, on the high school level:
If parents and administrators living in a 21st century world without football were told [about the destructive violence of] this prospective new sport, they never would allow it to begin.
And on the university level? She doesn’t say, but you figure an intellectual institution informed of an almost-certain degree of brain damage, no less, to the student players of this just-invented game would shrink back, appalled.
I mean, that’s by Brennan’s reckoning… If you ask ol’ UD, she’ll tell you that things like football, hockey, and NASCAR are and will continue to be massively popular because they hurt people (“[Football] is literally killing the men who play it.”). Failing to see the matador gored is like going all the way to Tromsø and failing to see the Northern Lights.
But this is the first time she’s seen a doubleplusgood reverse Orwellian lay-up.
John Calvin (It’s a pseudonym because… I don’t know. Why would a person use a pseudonym to write about sports?) warns us that if we vacate the University of Louisville’s basketball championship just because of those ineligible receivers (if I may mix sports) everyone’s been talking about, we are ushering in Kim Jong-un.
[B]eware. History, like whiskey, is best served straight up, and there is something very Joseph Stalin and Kim Jong-un about rewriting an event that happened and giving it an alternate ending. Many are amused when Kim Jong-un Photoshops out Uncle So and So from all previous official images shortly after he had fallen out of favor with the Dear Leader and then executed. But don’t laugh too loud… Whether we are talking basketball, football, or a more serious subject matter the same principle of history should apply: the truth should be our barometer, even and perhaps especially if the truth is ugly.
The meaning of history is a powerful tool and George Orwell summed it up perfectly with, “He who controls the past controls the future.”
Lose the smirk. This is serious stuff. Perhaps you’ve not read Isaiah Berlin’s Basketball and Its Betrayal: Enemies of the Arena, which subjects foes of university basketball programs to a withering critique, and concludes with a famous warning: He who controls the free throw area controls the future.
Jalen Rose, on an ESPN podcast, said that such “bachelorette parties” are vital to the recruiting process. “As a 17-year-old, if I’m not getting (serviced), I’m not coming,” he said, pointing out that he visited UNLV, Syracuse and Michigan and “you know where I went (Michigan).”
Tacit? Thundering. It’s UD‘s Donald Trump point again (see this post). He’s doing brilliantly because lots of people in this country like despicable people and despicable business practices. Gordon Gekko’s an American icon, and so are all the despicable coaches that earn by far the highest salaries at our universities. The genius who came up with “Hostess 5.0” at the University of Louisville will be immortalized in case studies at business schools all over the country.
This much we know. But Gerald Gurney and Mary Willingham also touch on something UD finds of increasing interest:
Providing a quality education for all athletes has been sacrificed for a tribal fanaticism for college athletics.
Tribalism and fanaticism are precisely the sorts of things universities are supposed to stand against – to educate against. These profoundly anti-social and anti-intellectual motives have traditionally found a home in the private, peripheral space of the fraternities. How amazing, now, to watch tribalism and fanaticism infect entire American universities! To watch presidents and trustees who are just as brainless and belligerent as some of the school’s frat boys!
Recall Kevin Carey on the nihilistic tribalism of some American universities:
[The university’s academic unit can go, but] the football team must be saved because the intense tribal loyalty generated by big-time sports is one of the chief mechanisms employed by universities to create the illusion that they exist. I’ve lived in Chapel Hill and experienced the closest thing to full-scale Dionysian revelry one is likely to find in modern America, on Franklin Street after the men’s basketball team won it all. It was thrilling. It felt like we were one people, all of us, conquerors. But it was also an illusion (I wasn’t a student at the time), a false consciousness manufactured by the university to conceal its non-existence as an academic institution.
The source of the athletics fanaticism, from this point of view, is quite obvious. Increasingly, without the athletics, there’s nothing there.
******************
(Photo link is from a new sports cafeteria at the University of Oregon.)
…and has that ever paid off. Scenes from their most recent game.
There was booing …from the sparse crowd even before the first quarter ended, and the stands – where some fights broke out – were largely empty by the midpoint of the third quarter.
Miami, playing in an empty stadium, was held to 146 total yards and just six first downs. The 58-point loss was the worst in Miami’s history, surpassing a 70-14 loss to Texas A&M in 1944.
UM’s athletic director, surveying this empty stadium, blithely reminded everyone to “make sure we continue to support our team.”
******************
Yeah, it’s all gonna be okay. Maybe we’ll get a new coach.
******************
Miami’s AD doesn’t understand that if you want people to go to your games, you shouldn’t make them puke forever.
As Dave Zirin points out, it’s not the pimping; it’s the hypocrisy. Katina Powell readily admits to being a whore; why won’t Andre McGee and his boss admit to being pimps?
Instead of writing corporate how-to books, Rick Pitino and his ilk should be delivering seminars in Big Pimpin’. Katina Powell isn’t close to being on his level.
As for the NCAA:
[O]ne wonders why NCAA president Mark Emmert doesn’t elicit cries of “stranger danger” when he enters a room.
****************
No one who has, like UD, followed events at the University of Louisville over the last few years, can be surprised that the first longterm official trade in women at an American university was uncovered at that school. Its board of trustees is cretinous, catatonic. (The only trustee with guts – Steve Wilson – has begged the governor to let him quit, and the governor has obliged.) Its president – who keeps getting immense raises onaccounta he’s doing such a bang-up job – is a fully owned subsidiary of Richard Pitino and Bobby Petrino. Its student body and faculty has responded to the brothelization of their school with silence, or with rage at outsiders kicking over the stalls at the meat market.
The eminently fuckable University of Louisville continues to thrill. The latest chapter in Whormitory Nights features a lawsuit against Katina Powell for writing that mean book.
The student would do better to direct her lawsuit against the UL trustees. They are the long-time proprietors of Mustang Ranch. And they’ve got far more money than that book’s ever going to make.
*************************
UD is told by reliable sources that a consortium of UL fraternities is planning to sue Andre McGee and Rick Pitino for copyright infringement.
*************************
UL’s in-dorm brothel contributes to the decline of an entire industry.
Today, pornography is free, and finding real people who are into exactly what you’re into has never been smoother. It’s not that we’re living in an unprecedentedly immoral age, but that we no longer need to drive to seedy brothels in rural counties to procure our poison.
