Scathing Online Schoolmarm starts her day with this letter to the Chicago Tribune from one of Clout U’s trustees.

As always her comments appear in parenthesis, in blue.

This is in response to your series “Tribune watchdog: Clout goes to college.” [Terrific opening. Real human interest there. Can’t you just feel the warm pulsing humanity of the writer?]

To correct at least some misconceptions, I write to share factual observations. [The Trib didn’t write a novel. Why not correct all of its mistakes? Too busy, I guess. Too important.] I am the senior (longest-serving) trustee of the University of Illinois. All who know me recognize that I take this role very seriously. As a trustee, just as if we were legislators, we are “agents” of the citizens of Illinois (trustees are appointed by the governor and approved by the Senate). [Parentheses and quotation marks already mucking up the works. Drop the pompous all who know me crap. Putting agents in scare quotes makes being a trustee sound underhanded.]

Many times I have been asked: “Can you get my son /daughter into the University of Illinois?”

The answer is always the same: “No, but I would be happy to check on the status of the admission.”

I believe that offer to make an inquiry is one of the duties of the position, again similar to what a legislator would do for his or her constituent. Those inquiries are sent to the appropriate chancellor — not with advice or with any request, other than checking the status of the admission.

The answer, good or bad, is given back to the requesting individual. That advice can range from “yes”; “perhaps, depending on acceptances of offers already made”; “no”; to “would you like a counseling interview?”

And there the role of a trustee stops. [Well, obviously not, or there wouldn’t be a national story raging and a legislative investigation pending into preferential admissions practices among trustees and others at the university. The letter writer thinks you’re stupid.]

Quite frankly, I have never heard of a “Category I” list.

Allow me to also state that I have never spoken with or made a written request to an admissions officer. My offers to check admissions status have been extended to anyone who has asked — not just the politically connected, or the donor, or to someone with whom I have a business or professional relationship.

The Tribune chose to publish an e-mail communication from me totally out of context — referencing the situation as “epidemic.” As the economy slowed, more and more students were switching from private to public university admissions requests. The applicant pool swelled in both numbers and quality. More and more families were concerned, and sought information.

This was the epidemic, not some “list.”

As I recall, at the time I may have had information requests in for three students. That e-mail, coupled with the picture from central casting (a most nefarious character shot), was nothing less than irresponsible sensationalism. [Harrumph! (Brushes mustaches nervously.)]

I welcome responsible journalistic inquiry; I abhor the adornment of the inquiry with supermarket check-out line trappings.  [I am a lofty person. Mark ye my lofty words and mark them well!   Welcome. Abhor. Inquiry. Trapping. There are others where those come from, and I will happily write you another letter in which I use some of them. ]