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Snapshots from Home

So here’s UD, for the first time in her life, in a cardiology waiting room.

Because her cholesterol is up there, and because she’s une femme d’un certain age, her doctor told her to get a stress test and a something-count (starts with a c?) and other things.

So, you know, it’s ‘thesda, so everything’s nice, pleasant building, pleasant waiting room, pleasant receptionists.

UD looks around.

The other people in this room are seriously old. One of them – thin, pale, palsied – is wearing a helmet.

A helmet! Call UD delusional, call her effing nuts, but she feels certain she is way out of the way of wearing a helmet. These people have weak hearts. UD may be proved wrong in a few moments, but she is willing to swear up and down that she’s got a strong heart.

She doesn’t belong here, id est. She’s a displaced person, id est.

So here’s Dr Sanderson, rational, forbearing, good listener. In sum, a kindly WASP. He shows up after his assistant sticks stuff all over me, etc., etc., etc.

Sanderson looks at the results of all my tests and then he looks at me.

“We’re not doing a stress test on you. It would be pointless. It’s obvious that your heart is fine.”

I knew it! Good old ticker! Tarzan chest pound here! AH EE AH EE AHHHHH EE AH EE AH.

Sanderson gives her a Go and sin somewhat less sermon, with special attention to the Mediterranean Diet, and UD leaps off the examining table and gets the hell out.

Margaret Soltan, September 4, 2012 7:38PM
Posted in: snapshots from home

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6 Responses to “Snapshots from Home”

  1. adam Says:
    September 4th, 2012 at 9:59PM

    Congratulations… You lucked out by having sensible physicians making sane decisions for you. In a lot of places they would go ahead with the pointless stress test anyway. Good luck with the new diet.

  2. dmf Says:
    September 5th, 2012 at 8:05AM

    don’t tempt the fates their claws are sharp and cut to the quick.

  3. dave.s. Says:
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:45AM

    so, now that you are of an age, here is inspirational literature: http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

    and, you can get a certificate for your office wall!!

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:54AM

    dave.s.: Hilarious. Thank you for the link.

  5. Marilyn Mann Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 1:14PM

    Stress tests should generally not be done in asymptomatic people. The reason is that the pre-test probability of coronary artery disease is low in a person who is not having any symptoms, so a positive result is likely to be a false positive, and can result in referral for a coronary catheterization, which entails some radiation exposure and other risks. One test leads to another, with everyone covering their ass by ordering the next test. Better not to start down that road to begin with.

  6. Margaret Soltan Says:
    September 7th, 2012 at 2:38PM

    Marilyn: I didn’t know those details. Thanks – I guess adam is right. Good doctors.

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