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A fight broke out on a field between opposing local college football teams.

Big deal. Happens all the time.

One of the players punched a referee trying to break up the fight.

Rarer, I grant you. But in the lovely world of football/soccer, not all that rare.


Truly rare is the statement just released from the referee puncher’s junior college. Let’s have a look.

After closely reviewing video footage and interviewing those involved and outside witnesses, [Mt. San Antonio College] maintains that the student-athlete, Bernard Shirmer, unintentionally hit the referee. During a disagreement after a play, numerous people surrounded him and pulled him away from the opposing player. Out of frustration, Mr. Shirmer struck himself on the helmet, a habit he often does to calm himself down. In doing so, he inadvertently hit the referee and initially believed someone else had done so. Mr. Shirmer expressed deep remorse about the incident and any harm to the referee.

Talk about playing defense! When interrupted while fighting people, our lad calms himself down by hitting himself on the head. (Cue Monty Python.) Unable to find his own head, however, our player found himself hitting the referee, though in a strikingly dissociated moment, he was convinced someone else was hitting the referee. He’s really sorry about it now.

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4 Responses to “When the commentary is better than the primary text”

  1. theprofessor Says:

    Uh…no. Try again. I think a diagnosis of St. Vitus Dance might be more plausible.

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    tp: There are many diagnoses available.

  3. theprofessor Says:

    Coming soon to an athletic department near you: The Associate Assistant Coach for Manifestly Implausible Explanations.

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:

    tp: It really is a stunner. It’s as if the coach had just finished watching a Three Stooges movie…

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