“He’s kind of a neatnik in his yard,” said Skaggs, the co-developer who built Rivergreen 20 years ago. “You’d see all the little clippings sitting in little plastic bags waiting for pickup every week.” Indeed, on a recent afternoon, a black garbage bag filled with yard clippings still sat in Boucher’s driveway in front of his three-car garage…

Like most everyone else in the Rivergreen development, Goodwin told me, Boucher pays in the ballpark of $150 a month for professional landscaping, while Paul insists on maintaining his yard himself. Goodwin said that part of what nagged at Boucher was the difference in grass length between his lawn and that of his libertarian neighbor’s. “He had his yard sitting at a beautiful two-and-a-half, three inches thick, where Rand cuts it to the nub,” Goodwin said.

… Also at issue, according to Goodwin, is Paul’s tendency to mow outward at the edge of his property, spraying his clippings into Boucher’s yard. Boucher, he said, has asked Paul to instead mow inward when near the boundary line, and even sought help from the Rivergreen Homeowners Association but has gotten no relief.

Goodwin recalled picking up Boucher, a devout Catholic, at his home after church one Sunday afternoon several years ago. Boucher had confronted Paul about his yard-maintenance practices a few minutes before Goodwin’s arrival, to no avail, and Goodwin saw Boucher grow agitated as they both watched Paul blow grass onto his lawn. “I’ve asked him and I’ve asked him and I’ve asked him,” Goodwin recalls Boucher fuming. “How long can you sit there taking someone plucking a hair out of your nose?” Goodwin asked. “How long could you take that before losing your temper?”

… But across Bowling Green, sympathy for either man appears to be in short supply. Goodwin described them as “two little shits” who have brought embarrassment upon the town.

***************************

SING IT:

Two little shits from Ken-tucky
Gated and forced to be neighborly
Toxic with masculinity
Two little shits are we!

[YUM-YUM]
Everything is about our lawn! (chuckle)

[PEEP-BO]
Fighting about where our border’s drawn! (chuckle)

[PITTI-SING]
Mow right, or you will be set upon! (chuckle)

[YUM-YUM, PEEP-BO & PITTI-SING]
Two little shits are we!
One little shit who, grasses snipping
Blows ‘cross the line offensive clippings
Must undergo relentless whipping —
Two little shits are we
Two little shits are we!

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5 Responses to “Two Little Shits from Kentucky”

  1. dmf Says:

    we really are trapped in a J.G. Ballard novel…

  2. Margaret Soltan Says:

    dmf: With a little of the film “American Beauty” thrown in…

  3. dmf Says:

    indeed
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMWsyZHRpI8

  4. theprofessor Says:

    Out of fashion (for a few seconds, anyway): victim-blaming.

    In fashion (for a few seconds, anyway): he was askin’ for it.

    Another breaking GQ expose:

    Steve Scalise shooter James Hodgkinson actually angered by Scalise’s excessive use of pine tar on bat!

  5. Margaret Soltan Says:

    tp: I take the point. You’re right.

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