Mr Art of the Squeal takes a bow, while Rev Blueballs sermonizes.


A local newspaper’s editor updates its Jan 20 2017 inaugural coverage.

Falwell: A ‘gratifying’ day

amid inauguration events

[Keep headline: perfect.]

At the end of the day, it was hard to decide what had been best.  [Drop phrase starting with “to decide.”  End with “hard.”]

First there was the private ceremony [Quotation marks around “private ceremony”] for the friends and family of President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence that Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. was invited to speak at. [Change to: for President Donald Trump, Vice President Mike Pence, Liberty University President Jerry Falwell, Jr, and Becki ‘Fortunate Fallwell,’ which Jerry Falwell Jr was invited to watch.]  Then there was that moment when former President Jimmy Carter stopped Falwell to speak with him [Add: about his enormous penis: “Do you really call it Beef Fallwellington?”]. And then came the strangers who thanked Falwell for supporting Trump [Change to: came the Liberty undergraduates who thanked Becki for performing oral sex on them.]

“It was really gratifying; when I was walking through the crowd of people, they were yelling, ‘Thank you for what you did’ and ‘Your support made the difference,’” Falwell said as he and his family prepared to attend the Liberty Ball, one of three inaugural balls slated for Friday night in Washington, D.C. [Change to: your big dick made the difference.  Quotation marks around “Ball.”]

Becki Falwell said her husband was one of a few people asked to speak [Add, with quotation marks: at a “religious” “ceremony.”]

“As a wife, honestly, I was a little nervous; I get a little nervous when he speaks.”  [Change to: “I get even more nervous than when he’s watching me fuck our pool boy.”]

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