WOMAN’S $2 MILLION HEALTH CARE FRAUD
INCLUDED SPEECH THERAPY FOR THE DEAD

Speech Therapy for the Dead.

One wants to write a poem with that title.

Why is the insane, violent Dawoodi Bohra cult tolerated by India?

“Is this tiny speck so full of evil that it has to be removed? Do they really think there is so much spiritual power in this tiny bit of tissue?”

Why is it tolerated by the United States?

And why is Alan Dershowitz defending the mad toilet-breakers and their demonic clitoris bearers??

… Sour.

We just want to perform a gentle jurisdictional nick.

Congress lacked authority to enact a law criminalizing female genital mutilation in 1996, lawyers for [female genital mutilators Jumana] Nagarwala and Farmington Hills couple Dr. Fakhruddin Attar and Dr. Farida Attar [now argue].

The law “impermissibly expanded the scope and authority of the federal government’s powers beyond constitutional parameters, and the current prosecution cannot proceed without violating the Constitution of the United States,” the lawyers wrote.

And whoa. These states had better watch out cuz if the United States stands for anything, it stands for our right to cut off baby clitorises and sew up baby vaginas in the name of the Lord.

When a liar writes a tell-all, what gets told?

When a salesman writes a memoir, what gets sold?

Dirty university, dirty coach:

A story that never gets old.

It’s been a long time since this blog has featured that genre of sports journalism in which the university football coach is cast as a pietà, an icon of purity and innocence suddenly and shockingly beset by evil.

UD thinks this piece, written by a Bowling Green football fan, qualifies as Coacha Inconsolata writing.

You tend to get CI when a football team is so vile – a complete loser on the field, with a heavy emphasis on criminality – that the choice for booster/journalists becomes very stark: Either contempt or sympathy. Either you allow yourself to acknowledge – and even express – the disgust that the sickening reality of the local team makes you feel, or you cast about for some way to redeem an unredeemable spectacle. You rifle (riffle?) the mythic-familiar and conjure a fallen world whose gratuitous malignity brutalizes Our Mother of the Gridiron, the coach.

Title:

Heat Rising on Bowling Green’s [Coach] Jinks as Arrests Pile Up

Not that Jinks recruited the heat; the heat just satanically piled up from Hades.

The team, the writer notes, is at “the bottom of the standings,” but “No. 1 in the country in offseason arrests.”

Off-season, mind you; there are almost always far more crimes committed during the season.

The writer pithily sums things up:

Six wins in two years.

Five arrests in six months.

Can we say the obvious? Can we say that this is the result you get with a really really shitty coach and program?

No, no. The writer goes on to praise the coach for dismissing the naughty players (what a saint: most coaches would keep dangerous people on campus), and for spouting the most amazing stream of sports cliches in his own defense that UD has ever seen — more even than that scene in Bull Durham. The writer actually quotes the coach’s entire statement in the piece.

The coach, he concludes, is “a good guy,” tasked with the “inherent challenges of monitoring more than 100 college kids.” Problem is, his “inexperienced staff” (another cross he has to bear) “is recruiting too many marginal characters out of self-preservation.” They’re doing it out of self-preservation, after all! Nobody else wants these dudes, but Bowling Green has to take them because … no one else will …

A study published in the journal Educational Psychology found that students who had cellphones or laptops present while a lesson was being taught scored five percent, or half a letter grade, lower on exams than students who didn’t use electronics… The study also found that students in the device-permitting classroom who were not using devices also scored lower. The researchers attributed this to distraction from the devices around them.

Adorable mech engineers!
They tend to be naughty, the dears…
They act like a luv
And get grants from the gov
But then all the funds disappear.

Today’s walk was the
new SW Waterfront:
AKA The Wharf.

Today’s walk was through the
National Zoo, where sprays of
cool water helped – a little.

And as FGM becomes more common in the United States, our doctors too will start specializing in the many complications of the slashing off of six year olds’ genitals. The Somali doctor quoted in my headline has of course a steady stream of bleeding mutilated children to specialize in, since 98% of the little girls in that country get hacked, mostly by local village butchers. I’m sure we’ll have our share of local butchers here in the ol’ US of A too; but some of our castrators will maybe have nursing degrees or whatever.

Meanwhile, the latest child FGM death in Somalia seems to have attracted sufficient global attention to rouse the government (“government”) to say that it will pursue the case in the courts, blah blah. I’m sure we’ll all forget the clinical details long before whoever is trying to run Somalia remembers that it was after all just a girl and really who gives a shit. There’s a war on.

One of the doctors who tried to save Deeqa after the botched procedure told CNN she suffered the most extreme form of FGM he had ever seen.

“Her whole female genital tract had been removed, the labia and the clitoris had been cut off, it’s type 4 FGM.

“She was brought in two days after they cut her, she was already infected with tetanus,” Dr. Abdirahman Omar Hassan said.

If they’d been able to save her, Deeqa could have lived out her full life span: Buried under a body veil at eleven years old, married to some random old guy at twelve, finished off at thirteen in an honor killing.

Students there know and respect athletic traditions. Even off-season, in the dead of summer, they gather to remind the world what has for so long made the school famous.

We can only wonder what they have in store for us once the season begins in late August. The excitement is building! Pity Aaron Hernandez can’t be there.

A commenter at Deadspin gets to the heart of what matters in the University of Pennsylvania bribery story.

The University of Miami continues to this day to proudly take … well, dirty hardly does as an adjective for Esformes money, does it?