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Drunk, in debt, and trapped in The Story of O…

… the University of Tennessee staggers piteously along like O in her tiny mules and painfully cinched waist, America’s campus epicenter of sadomasochism.

Paralyzed by debt and despair

Tennessee’s situation makes frighteningly clear the high cost of bad coaching hires, as the athletic department owes $7 million to recently fired coach Derek Dooley and his staff on top of $11.4 million paid out in buyouts to other football, baseball and basketball coaches. Declining attendance has also taken a toll on Tennessee’s financial situation as it has proven difficult for the school to fill the stadium when losses outnumber wins. Ironically, improvements to the stadium that sits partly empty helped drive the expansion of the debt.

– UT lashes out at others and itself in a perennial bacchanalia of desperate perversion. [Trigger warning goes here.] Its students inject themselves anally with alcohol. They lie still while fellow students pour hot sauce over their penises. They’re asking for it! If you won’t pour the Tabasco on the front, they’ll inject the Zinfandel in the back. One way or another, the University of Tennessee is going to punish itself for…

For what? O’s motives are notoriously obscure… Imagine trying to understand a drunk and masochistic institution that’s fucked itself over financially forever.

Maybe one good way to think about Tennessee’s current life of the mind is to recall another literary work – Nevil Shute’s On the Beach. Imagine that, instead of the reckless racing of cars, the Australians, as they await apocalypse, decide to fuck and suck themselves to oblivion.

***********************

A reader sends in a limerick:

Does my penis go well with Tabasco?
Does this Zinfandel into my ass go?
Front porch or back door,
What college is for
Is much more than you learn in a class, bro.

Margaret Soltan, May 23, 2014 4:18AM
Posted in: sport

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4 Responses to “Drunk, in debt, and trapped in The Story of O…”

  1. Dave Stone Says:

    It’s been a while since I’ve been moved to limerick, but genital hot sauce has invoked the muse.

    Does my penis go well with Tabasco?

    Does this zinfandel into my ass go?

    Front porch or back door,
    What college is for
    Is much more than you learn in a class, bro.

  2. Mr Punch Says:

    Knowing some Australians, I’d say the revised version is if anything more plausible.

  3. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Dave: Hope it’s okay with you if I feature this in the post as an addendum. Great work. UD

  4. Margaret Soltan Says:

    Mr Punch: LOL.

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Dr. Bernard Carroll, known as the "conscience of psychiatry," contributed to various blogs, including Margaret Soltan's University Diaries, for which he sometimes wrote limericks under the name Adam.
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